I'm not going anywhere

14

Were walking through the school gates hand in hand but this time Alex has a hickey on his neck... That I gave him, Now everyone will know that we are together it's not a dare or a joke because I gave him a hickey.

"Okay I gotta go to maths I'll see you at break, okay?" He kisses me on the forehead and I smile, him saying okay reminds me of last night and that was brilliant.

I have a double English so I won't see him till break but I don't mind, it takes away distractions so I can get into my work. I sit in my regular seat, 1 row from the back second seat, I usually sit next to Ben but I don't know how that's going to go.

I take out my book and finish up some stuff from the last lesson when Ben comes in the room and sits down next to me, wtf?

"Hey" he keeps his head down and slumps his shoulder, asshole.

"fuck off Ben alright, you can't hate me and be an asshole and expect me to be nice, okay I don't mind you sitting there but don't play all buddy-buddy with me alright"

"um... River I I need help..." fuck off

"I'm not going to help you just ask the teacher" I can't believe him

"it's not with school, I made a mistake"

"what" I turn to face him slowly wtf has he done

"I... I'm.......fuck...ok River I'm in a relationship with David but my parents are really homophobic and now David is mad at me for what I said to you and Alex but I was really just jealous because you got to come out and be happy but I can't be and I'm really really sorry" he spits out so quickly I only just understand what he is saying. Holy shit.

"holy shit Ben, how long have you been together for? " his face goes red and he looks down

" a year and a half... I don't want to lose him for being an asshole I care about him so fucking much River like I literally love him" oh my gosh holy shit

"Well you were a dick but I guess I kinda understand, I'm not forgiving you yet but maybe if you tell him you've apologised and come say sorry to Alex in front of him and explain what happened maybe we could all sit together at lunch maybe"

"Could I really"

"...I guess I don't know how happy Alex is gonna be but yeah..." I don't know what to think about this but I feel bad for him, I can't imagine what it would be like having to hide from my mum, even though I haven't told my mum about Alex ... Oh my gosh I haven't told my mum.

This class feels like it's going forever, we're analysing a trashy poem but the teacher is taking forever and I can't stand it we have 5 minutes left, Ben hasn't talked much since the beginning of class and I don't know what to say.

He leans closer to me I'm so confused untill he starts counting down
"10"

"9"

"8"

"7"

"6"

"5"

"4"

"3"

"2"

"1" this is great the bell goes off and we pack up our stuff and move on.

I lose Ben in the crowd but I'm sure he will show up at some point.

"Ahh" two arms wrap around me and pull me into one of the quiet halls

"What the fuck" I step away

"Alex! What the hell"

"Ahaha hey baby" he grabs my hips and pulls me against him.

"Alex you scared me" he just smiles

"I missed you and wanted to see you before we go outside with everyone else, how was English?" Do I tell him

"It was fine, now let's go" I grab his arm and drag him outside and towards the tree, he catches up and outs his arm around my waist

"Your so different in public" I tell him as he stands all tall

"What do you mean baby?" He rarely calls me baby at home it's always babe

"You act all strong and dominant but at home your all soft and cute, cuddling up to me and being all needy "I press my head against his chest but he doesn't stand down, I just laugh.

"What the fuck is Ben here?" Oh shit, Alex Marches towards the group

"Alex! Stop!"

"Oi asshole who do you think you are, you can't attack me and my boyfriend then expect us to be okay with you hang out with us" he picks Ben up and pushes him against the tree

"Alex! Just listen to him okay" I grab at his shoulder whilst yelling at him before he does something stupid

"River he's a twat"

"Alex I want to apologise please I'm really sorry I was just jealous that you could come out..."

"What?" He lets go of him

"Um... Alex, I'm gay and my parents are really homophobic so I can't come out and show the world how much I love my boyfriend and..."

"Ben..." Alex's body just shuts down, his limbs fall to his side and his face drops

"I feel like shit and I miss you guys and I just want to make things right again..." Alex nods and we all sit down, I still can't get my head around the situation but I sit down too. I take Alex's hand and brush my thumb over his hand for comfort.

"WAIT...You have a boyfriend what the fuck, how long" David isn't here yet but I can see him walking over the hill

"a year and a half but he's really angry at me because of what I said to you guys but I was just mad... I am sorry" he pulls out his phone and types something in I'm pretty sure he was texting David because he starts running over and sits a couple of centimetres away from ben.

"Hey guys" it's a bit awkward at first but eventually all the boys go off to play football and leave David and me to sit under the tree and thats how the rest of recess and lunch go, the remainder of the day is pretty bland but I can't stop thinking about Ben I would never had thought about him being like this.