Delicate (mxm)

Chapter Eight.

When Caleb woke up and realized that he was sleeping with Eddie, he quietly freaked out. He got up from bed and looked down at the sleeping man. He tried not to scream from frustation.

He hated his horny self.

He hated his horny self so much.

It had been totally impulsive, and... good. Eddie was good in bed, huh. He moved a little and winced. And he had a very good dick too.

Caleb didn't let himself think about his dick and instead continued to freak out by the fact that the man was sleeping in his bed, and by the desesperate way he had acted. It wasn't really his fault, though. Eddie was really good and it had been a while since he had sex.

He sighed and put on one of his oversized t-shirts and one of his simple panties-he used panties because one, they were sexy, two, they were more comfortable. He looked over at Eddie again and sighed again. After all, he had asked Eddie to sleep over. He didn't have to be angry at him.

He took the pillow from under his head violently.

"Wake up. I'm going to make breakfast." He said blankly. He ignored the lump in his throat.

He was really dissapointed on himself.

Eddie groaned, hiding his face in the blankets.

"Why so rude?" He mumbled.

Caleb turned the lights on.

"Fuck."

Caleb ignored the sleepy Eddie and went towards his kitchen. Then he realized he didn't know what Eddie wanted. He came back to his room.

"Coffee?" He asked looking at him blankly.

Eddie was sitting on the bed.

"Uh, yeah." He smiled. "Thanks."

"How do you want it?"

Eddie yawned and stood up.

"Black."

"Get dressed. I saw enough last night."

Eddie raised an eyebrow.

"I think I saw more than you."

Caleb glared at him and left for the kitchen. He made a black coffee and a coffee with milk. He also cleaned up the mess in it. He grabbed some oreos and his meds.

Eddie walked in and Caleb cursed under his breath. He didn't want Eddie to see him taking his meds.

Eddie was smiling. Caleb hated him for that. For being so... happy. For being actually indifferent to stuff. For being able to be a positive self with no consequences. For being so kind and happy. Caleb wanted to be like that. He didn't enjoy being the asshole he was. But it wasn't as easy to just stop being like that.
He had been a happy person once. And then everything went to shit. It wasn't like he could just forget that. He was sure that if he let himself be that person again, more shit would happen. And what had happened was just enough for a life.

They sat in the table. Caleb took his pill and noticed Eddie was looking at it, but didn't ask something. Caleb was thankful for that.

They had breakfast quietly. Eddie cleared his throat.

"What we did yesterday was okay, right? You're just being your cocky self, right?"

Caleb felt slightly offended. It mattered to him what Eddie thought, he realized. And how he had referred to him...

He glared at him.

"Am I that bad?"

Eddie's eyes widened.

"No. I was just checking you were..."

"Yes, I'm okay with us having sex. I'm just being my arrogant self." Caleb sighed and stood up, putting his meds in his Meds Crate and taking the coffee cups to the sink.
Eddie was now looking at him with a concerned face. Caleb hated it.

"I didn't mean-"

"It's fine." Caleb said, leaning into the wall and checking his black-painted nails. "I am that bad. I know."

"No-"

"I don't care."

Eddie sighed and kept looking at him.

"You're beautiful." Eddie said.

Caleb looked up at him and tried not to blush.

"Just go," He sighed. "And text me."

Eddie smiled a little when Caleb added that, and Caleb tried to return it.

Eddie went to grab his stuff and Caleb waited for him at the door. They got in the elevator and once they were at the building entrance, Eddie kissed his cheek.

"How does a second date sounds?"

Caleb shrugged.

"We'll see."

Eddie smirked.

"That's a yes, right?"

Caleb shrugged again.

"We'll see."

"You're not that hard as you think, you know?" Eddie smiled. Caleb just looked at him. "I mean, you are not hard for me. Or bad. I like you."

Caleb just shrugged again.

Eddie sighed but kept smiling.

"Bye, Pup."

When Eddie started walking away, Caleb got outside too and yelled at him,
"Yes!"

Eddie turned around.

"Text me when and where." He said.

Eddie smiled.

"See? Not that hard."

"Shut up," He said.

Eddie just waved and walked away.

Caleb looked as he got into his car, and as he drove away and then he stood there, in the middle of the street in just an oversized t-shirt and his underwear.

He didn't understand himself.

One moment he wanted to risk everything, caring what Eddie though, sleeping with him, staring at the street. And then he got all scared and didn't know what to do.
He wished he had his sister to help him out here.

Eveeything seemed so difficult... he seemed so difficult. He was hard.
Everything was so delicate. He was delicate. His relationships were delicate. His mental health was delicate. All the love he had fo give... all the love he had saved for years... everything was delicate. His body was delicate. His feelings, his thoughts, his music, his apetite, his personality, his life.

And this right now, this thing going with Eddie. Everything he was feeling was so delicate. He didn't know anything.

He wanted to risk it and try out.

What if he fell in love?

What if everything went right?

He sighed and went back to his house.

He hated himself sometimes.

He hated being so difficult.

He wanted something real.

But he was a coward to go get it.

The promise of something new and real was right there, in front of him. A happy man to make him happy. A happy man to sleep with. A happy man to be his friend. A happy man to be himself. A happy man to make him feel again.

And he couldn't take it.

He didn't know how.

He went to his bed and fell asleep hugging the pillow Eddie had used.