𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖗𝓴. (𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖞)

chapter twentyone.

Stan - Wednesday Morning

"Fuck- Forgot to do the math homework," Craig slaps his forehead. "Now Ms. Choksondik is not going to fucking shut up about."

Snorting, I pull my notebook out of my disgusting locker. "Can't relate, the last time I did the homework, without copying someone, was at least," I pause to count on my fingers. "3 months ago."

"Imagine needing to use your hands to count," Craig clicks his tongue. "Can't relate."

Rolling my eyes, I look over to him. "Someone's irritable," I pull a somber face. "Did something keep you up?" Craig pulls the biggest "fuck you" face that I've seen in a while.

"No- Nothing did, Stanley Marsh."

"Okay, okay, chill," I raise my hands.

"I'm fucking chill," Craig hisses.

"Watch out or I'm gonna tell Kenny you're being a bitch."

Craig stays silent, as he walks in front of me as we go to math. Going to our separate desks, I shake my head, I think I struck a nerve. No surprise, do you know how in high school everyone's like "wHat'S yOuR bOdY cOuNt?" and then everyone flexes their 3 or 4, but Craig never mentioned it to anyone, anyone.

This dude is so vague.

Kyle and I used to think that he was a virgin, just like everyone else in freshmen year except me then. Cartman is still convinced he is, but it so obvious he isn't. When I used to be with Wendy, I was always directly involved with all the girl shit.

So I also heard their guesses on body counts.

Clyde: 20+ (last year only). This guy fucks.

Kenny: Probably the whole grade. I mean not probably, it's confirmed. Kenny's a whore, and people know. The whole grade except for me, Kyle, Cartman, Token, Clyde and Jimmy. And some other people, but I think it's nearly the whole grade.

Bebe: 10 (Clyde, Wendy, and other people). Bebe is cute so I don't blame her.

Stan (me, I don't think I need to clarify): 5 (Wendy, Kyle, some Raisins girl, summer fling and someone that you don't have to know).

Wendy: 5 (Me, Token, Bebe and some other dudes).

Token: 3 (Nicole, Wendy and summer fling). A 6'4" guy? Nicole is fucking lucky.

Kyle: 3 (Heidi, me and unknown). Insert :winky face: here.

Red: 2 (Craig and someone I forgot). I think it was Heidi, but not confirmed.

Heidi: 2 (Kyle, Cartman and maybe Red).

Cartman: 1 (Heidi).

Tweek: 1 (Craig and Kenny). Kenny and Tweek hit it off after they both got drunk at Craig's house party, and right after Tweek and Craig's very public break-up.

Nicole: 1 (Token).

It's kinda obvious who Craig fucked, we've got Red, Kenny, Tweek and, that's it- 3 people? There's also a rumor going around that Butters and Craig slept together as well so let's make it 4, just to be fair to Craigory.

-

Outside during lunch, just the four of us, Kyle's at home. Kenny, me, Cartman and Craig, just vibing in the "sun". Cartman just scrolls on his phone casually as Craig bites into an apple. Kenny's in the canteen trying to steal some juice.

"Hey, edgelord," I nudge Craig with the tip of my shoe, "Hellooo."

"What?" Craig looks at me.

"Wends and I made a bet who'd figure out your body count first," I smile while shamelessly lying. "Help a bro and a roommate out."

"Rather not, fuck off."

"Fuck you- C'mon, no one knows, and we won't tell shit," I punch Cartman's shoulder, "Right?"

"Ouch!" Cartman then looks at Craig, "Yeah, we won't tell shit," Craig rolls his eyes as he looks back up the sky. Mocking him, I sigh dramatically. Craig throws the core of the apple into the bushes in front of us as he ignores both of us.

Craig - Wednesday Afternoon

No one has to know. 

"Why are you so obsessed about body counts?" I crack my knuckles, "It's not like they define you as a person," Cartman shakes his head and so does Stan.

"Of course they do!" Cartman says, defensively, "If it's like 4-6, you're pretty solid, 1-2 you're kinda okay, 7-10, you're up there with the fuck boys, and 10+ you're a whore."

"Shut up," Stan laughs, "You're in the "kinda okay" range, Cartman."

Kenny laughs, walking in on us, "We're talking about body counts right? Because then, Stan's pretty solid."

"Then what the fuck am I?" I ask, "Place your bets."

"Fuck boy," Kenny votes.

"Pretty solid," Cartman and Stan vote.

Snickering, I shake my head. "Which one!" Stan exclaims as Kenny laughs, "Shut the fuck up." Kenny rolls his eyes.

"Sure, sure," Cartman squints as he looks at me, "Either you're kinda okay or you're a whore," I shrug as Kenny and Stan look at each other.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Kenny grits his teeth.

"You should know!" Stan exclaims, "You slept with him."

"Just because I fuck around doesn't mean I magically know how many people he's stuck his peepee in!" Kenny says, defensively, "We can do the math; we know it's Tweek, Red and... me," he says softly. 

"Yeah, but Token and Craig also went to that fucking summer camp where everyone slept with some random person," Cartman says. "So we have 4."

"Not even close," I say.

"5."

"Nope."

"6."

"Nope, higher."

"8?"

"Almost."

"10?!"

"Not yet."

"13?"

"Lower."

"12?"

"Nope."

"11?"

Sticking up my thumbs, "Good job."

"Whore," Stan coughs.

"Shut up," I flip him off.