𝖍𝖔𝖒𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖗𝓴. (𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖞)

chapter forty-one.

Craig - Tuesday Early Morning

When Cartman walks past me and Kyle, he shoots us one look, "You guys have to go upstairs," He stops, just to stand over us, "You two don't deserve Kenny and Stan, you fucking don't," And with that, he leaves.

"That's our queue," Kyle stretches, flicking the dead cigarette into the wet grass, "Are you coming with me?" I shake my head.

"I'd rather not."

"Hey, Craig, don't take what Cartman said seriously," He pats my back, "Let's go back up to everyone, we can hang out, drink till we can't remember anything," I shake my head as Kyle frowns.

"Uh- I'll join later."

Kyle nods, "Okay, sure, yeah," He turns around the walk away, "Are you okay?" I look over my shoulder.

"What?"

He shakes his head, "Never mind, I'll see you later," Nodding, I look out over Bebe's porch at the minimal cars driving past as I take a puff of the cigarette. Hearing everyone through the open window, I pick at my nails.

I don't care about what Cartman says. I'm not good enough for Kenny. I do care about what Cartman says.

Craig Tucker does care.

Rubbing my eyes, I let out an elongated sigh. Don't cry, you're not drunk, you're not emotional. Biting the inside of my cheek, I press my hand against my forehead. Emotionless piece of ass, that's what I am.

Shut up.

Trying to regulate my breathing, I close my eyes. Holding onto the railing, I try to calm down. Opening my eyes, I feel myself get lightheaded. Managing to regain my balance, I squeeze my eyes shut. Snapping out of it, I stand up straight, "Craig?" I turn around as Kenny looks at me.

"Hey," I speak, my voice coarse as bury my hands in his hoodie's pockets, "What did I miss?" Kenny shrugs, not answering me.

There's a minute of silence between us, "You can't keep fucking doing that, you know I hate that shit," He looks at me, his hair falling in front of his eyes, "You know it."

"I'm sorry, I just felt fucked again, I was really out of it," I tell him, "I felt the fucking vibe switch and I was out, I can't deal with that fucking shit, not right now, not on the night that is supposed to be the best in the entirety of the senior year."

He huffs in response, "The best night of this senior year, Craig, was probably on Sunday, that was the best night. Do you know why? Because I was with you, I had fun and at that time, you didn't run away," He pauses to press his finger against my chest.

I don't respond, I don't want to. Because I know he's right.

"You weren't at the dance in the beginning when I hoped to see you the most, you weren't there during lunch when I needed you the most, you weren't there. I can't keep on telling myself that it's okay," He says softly, "The best fucking night of my life was our first date, you have no idea how much that cheesy fucking date meant to me."

Watching him look down at the wooden floorboards, I try to find the words I want to say, "You're right, I'm never there, always absent. And I don't have any excuses for it, and that's my fault. I've known you all my life, but I knew Kenny, not you. I understand if you don't get why I'm so distant, and why I always act like this; but I just want you to know, that no matter what, I will change for you especially if it hurts you," Breathing irregularly, our eyes lock again, "I'm sorry."'

His eyes dart away from mine as he cracks his knuckles, "You know, Craig, that I never thought I'd like someone after I broke up with Leo," He looks back at me, "But when I opened my eyes and I saw you, I didn't know I could like someone that much, and that's a fact."

"Sometimes, I like you too fucking much and that's a fact," I respond, "But I'm fucking sorry, it'll never happen again," We hug, he rests his head on my shoulder.

"Just tell me when you need to leave, I'm here for you, loser, that's what I'm for."

"And you need to tell me when you feel sad, dumbass, that's also what I'm for too."

Running a hand through my hair, he just holds on to me tightly. The cold air hits my back as I close my eyes, feeling at total ease. Kenny moves his head off my shoulder to kiss me softly on the cheek. Opening my eyes gently, I feel him wrap his arms around my waist. Pulling me closer, he kisses me again.

"You're fucking pretty," He whispers in my ear sending shivers down my spine, "You're the best thing that could've happened to me, Craig, if want you to know that."

Holding his face, "The feelings are mutual," I close my eyes before pressing my lips against his as I practically melt into his arms, "Thank you for being the reason I open my eyes in the morning, thank you for being the reason that life is worth living, sometimes."

"You're mine, babe, and that's it," He hesitates, trying time day something, "Damn, I wanted to say something but I forgot."

Scoffing, I take my hands off his face, "I think everyone's waiting for us, let's fucking go," Kenny smiles, grabbing my hand as we walk up to Bebe's room.