Étincelle

Echo

Pas tout le monde ne comprends l'anglais désolé, mais pour ceux qui ont, ou le courage, ou le niveau nécessaire pour comprendre ce texte, eh bien c'est pour vous faites vous plaisir. ^^

Last night, when I was sleeping, the phone rang... I didn't try to figure out why, or who, or what. Nor any other question people would have thought about. And it rang again.

I was fully awake after that. A sound, too loud, too strident. An intrusive sound, piercing my bubble, my world - piercing me. It woke me up but I didn't even make the slightest movement.

If I had the power, the possibility, I would have ripped off the ceiling just to see the dreaming stars. If it could let me fly. If I could...

But I can't. Terrible reality, cruel and implacable. Moving reality which left me behind long ago, lost and alone. My whole crystal world broke as if it had never existed. That day, in the shattered water mirror that my cold tears left, just a black wound which never let me any respite.

The phone rang again. Once more, I ignored it.

The silence nearly came but it rang again. It built up such frustration that suddenly I sat up in a single movement, yelling in my bedroom as if overcame by insanity. But nobody could do anything about it. So, what was the point? In the dark night I just looked in front of me, frozen, as if I wasn't there. As if I was in another world, somewhere else where my whole life wouldn't have been broken like this. I couldn't even move but - once again - the phone rang.

My mind slowly cleared up. The phone stopped ringing. I just stayed there, motionless. Now the silence seemed even heavier, oppressive, threatening. I got my thin legs out of my bed and for an unknown reason ran to the balcony as if it was my last chance, the last time. As if it would change anything. I needed to breathe, to graze the stars. I opened the sliding window with a brisk movement full of anger and sorrow. Under the pale light of the moon, I wanted to scream. To scream so loud I would fall to the ground, so loud that people would finally understand how I felt. I wanted to scream like a capricious child. I wanted... I wanted... but what, I'm not sure.

Instead, a weak sigh. Weariness cradled me again. Breathless, leaning on the cold railing and listening in the freezing night, I heard the phone ring again. I almost turned back to pick it up but I didn't. Because I already knew. Head turned to the moon, I got pulled into the past. Back to That Day.

          ~ One year ago ~

Late at night, I was lying in my bed, incapable to sleep, waiting for things to happen without even understanding what was going on. My little brother wasn't there. The phone rang too many times before my father answered, and each time, my heart would skip a beat. Deep down in my core, in my bones, everything was screaming: something was wrong. I was afraid.

Through my window, the fading stars in the pale night comforted me a bit... but I knew something was off.

In a hurry I got pulled out of bed and went to a big white place smelling like antiseptics. Back then I was just lost. My mind doesn't even remember, I tried to blur it all, erase each second of the time I spent there. I just let people push me around like a lifeless doll. I remember the heavy tears rolling down my cheeks. I remember that searing pain tearing my heart in a billion pieces. I remember the emptiness it left.

We lost him... my little brother.

           ~ Back in the present ~

Tonight - a year later - is The Night. I miss him. It still hurts as the pain awakes under the fading light. I take a deep breath, try to make peace inside of me and meander towards the end of the corridor.

Nothing. There was nothing. No one had called.

That endless ringing didn't even exist.

Only the echo of a trauma that never truly let me breath since that very day.

I healed - maybe. A bit. I barely know.

I only hope that he is better up there...