Chapter 8 - Answers

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Trigger warning: eating disorders (anorexia)

Courtney's POV:

I opened my eyes and saw bright lights. I quickly shut them again as I felt a terrible headache coming. At least I'm not dead, I thought, because I don't believe dead people feel pain. I slowly opened one of my eyes, and when I became used to the light I looked around. I was laying in a white clean room with some machine beside my bed. People in green and white clothes walked by outside the room and I could hear beeping and phones ringing. I must be in a hospital, I figured. There was no one in my room so I couldn't ask why I was here, so I just looked out the window watched the moon shine through the dark trees outside.

"Good, you're awake," said a nurse who came in to check on me.

"What am I doing here," I asked. I had no memory of getting here and I didn't have a scheduled appointment.

"I'll let your mother answer that," the nurse said as my mother walked in with two cups and a paperbag from the hospital cafe.

"Thank god you're awake, we were so worried," mom said as she crashed a hug on me.

"What is going on?" I asked, thinking my mothers behaviour was a bit odd.

"You fainted, don't you remember?" My mom said when she pulled away from the hug. "Me and Stella were downstairs working on her report when we heard you scream and then fall to the ground. We rushed to see what happened and you wouldn't wake up, so we called an ambulance."

I realized just now how tired my mom looked. It was like she had aged 10 years since last night. I looked over at the clock and saw it was quarter past midnight.

"Why did I faint?" I asked.

"I think you know the answer if you think about it," the nurse said.

I thought about the past weeks, and then it hit me. Of course. I immediately felt myself blushing with embarrassment. I can't believe I dragged my mom through this, again.

"You haven't been eating, have you?" My mom asked, still standing beside my bed. "I saw you at dinner, but I didn't know it had been like this for a while. How long?" I could see my mother was worried, but I knew she blamed herself for this. It wasn't her fault at all, but she thinks that.

"Since Saturday," I whispered barely noticeable.

"Your blood pressure and pulse are stable but weak. I put you on hydration since you came in, but we need you to eat, dear," the nurse said. I just nodded. I had been through this before. It wasn't going to be fun, but they know how to handle it and I know what I'm doing is dangerous and harmful.

"Here," my mom gave me the bag she had brought and one of the cups. It was two donuts, a pb sandwich and a smoothie. I held the bag in my hand but couldn't bring myself to do anything. The voice in my head said to stop, to throw it on the floor. But I was going to be strong. I am stronger than the voice. I took out the reusable metal straw mom had put in the bag and slowly started to drink the smoothie. It tasted good, but it didn't help with my thoughts.

"I'll leave you two," the nurse said.
Mom sat on the chair beside my bed. She had a coffee in her hand, sipping, with her thoughts clearly on other things.

"I'm sorry," I said between two sips. She looked up at me.

"It's okay sweetie, I know you didn't mean to," she said and took my hand. "I haven't told you this, but when I was your age I went through the same thing. I know how hard it can be, but there is light at the end of the tunnel." She squeezed my hand before letting me eat my donut.

I was somewhat shocked at her saying that, but it made sense. I know eating disorders can be hereditary. Also, most girls at my age has some kind of disordered eating or relationship with food and their own body, so it doesn't surprise me that my mom was one of them. Nowadays she's fully recovered though, and if she wasn't I would have a much harder way back to normal.

There was a knock on the door, and in came the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

"Are you feeling better?" Stella asked.

I just nodded, surprised that she was here. I knew she had been at my house when it happened, but I figured she had gone home.

"Thank you for staying Stella," my mom said. "How is your report?"

"Almost done, just a few pieces left," she said smiling.

*ring*

"Oh, I'll just be a minute, it's my mom," mom said and hurried out to answer her phone.

Stella stepped closer to my bed and looked at me. There was something in her eyes, something she wanted to tell me.

"I'm sorry 'bout earlier," she said.

"About what," I asked confused. Stella looked around and closed the door.

"After we kissed, I stepped away and I knew it hurt you. I'm sorry for that. It's just that I don't know what I'm feeling in this situation. I like you, a lot, but I'm 38 and you're like 19.."

"18," I corrected her.

"Right. That gives us a 20 year age gap. I'm not sure how I feel about that," she said, her words trailed away.

"I know how I feel about that," I said and took her hand. "I like you too, and I think you're the most beautiful, sexiest woman I've ever met. I don't care about a 20 year age gap. I want you, how old you may be."

A/N: Thank you all for reading!
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