In the Wrong Space and Time

Dialogue Session

Hazel: Hello, everyone. It's the author speaking. Honestly, this year has been a crazy one and it's only March! I know I haven't been updating this story, and I'm sorry for that. I have national examinations at the end of this year, and school has been piling me with a lot of homework and practice test papers in preparation for that. Furthermore, writer's block and abject laziness has been dragging me under, preventing me from writing Chapter Twelve -

Caroline [interrupts]: Oh, shut up with your excuses, you lazy old sod. This book's manuscript is starting to grow dusty in the bookshelf of my memories! Take the manuscript down, wipe it clean, and resume writing the amazing story of how my scientific achievements had reached the peak of engineering as we know it today!

Tyra [mocking]: Oh, you mean how you single-handedly screwed the universe's timeline up? Yeah, sure. Hey, Hazel! Go ahead and write about how Caroline's made tonnes of mistakes. It would make such a fascinating read. Picture the title - The Story of How I Bolloxed-Up The World by Caroline Moira Campbell! It would immediately make its mark as a bestseller because everyone would want to read about Caroline's massive stupidity!

Caroline [outraged]: How dare - everyone would want to read it simply because it's going to be my biography! Its title will be Caroline Moira Campbell, PhD - How The Invention of the Time Machine Earned Her the Nobel Prize! Not that... that nonsense!

[CAROLINE AND TYRA START BICKERING]

Hazel [rolls eyes]: Now, now, children, it will be called In the Wrong Space and Time, now settle down so we can eat our milk and cookies before naptime. Honestly, this isn't bloody kindergarten.

[CAROLINE AND TYRA PAY NO HEED AND CONTINUE BICKERING]

Percival: Hey, Hazel? Er, when will I be featured more in the story? I know that it's mainly Caroline's story but I'm curious as to where my finer moments will be in the plot.

Hazel: Don't worry, Percy. You'll have your limelight when it comes to the great battle. Oh, shit. Spoiler alert. I'll just shut up now.

Caroline: YES, SHUT UP AND WRITE! TYRA, YOU ABSOLUTE MORON, STOP SCREAMING IN MY EAR!

Tyra: YOU'RE THE ONE SCREAMING! SHUT THE HELL UP!

Primero [in a thunderous voice]: The both of you, be quiet!

[THEY FALL SILENT]

Primero: Caroline, stop pestering the poor author. It's a busy year for her and she cannot possibly make you her main priority all the time. This is called knowing how to behave in a social situation. But honestly, Hazel. Get your act together and continue the story that you have left untouched for three months. For God's sake, none of you know how to exhibit discipline.

Percival [coughs in indignation]: What about me? I'm very disciplined.

Tyra: Did you just... COUGH? EW put your mask on and don't transmit COVID-19 to me!

Caroline: Oh, how pedestrian of you to call it by that name. I personally preferred calling it the novel coronavirus.

Hazel: If there's a novel coronavirus, then there should be a sequel coronavirus. And where did the epic trilogy coronavirus go?

Percival: Seriously, Hazel. That's lame. Go write the actual novel.

Hazel: Okay, okay. But before I go, I just want to tell everyone who's reading this to stay safe and hygienic, wash your hands and if you feel yourself getting sick, STAY. AT. HOME. The wellbeing of others who have weaker immune systems than you are at stake. Okay? It's a perilous time for all of us even without Caroline and her time machine ready to screw the world up.