Three days ago, in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, Donald Trump was visited by the ghost of George Washington.
"George," Trump asked, "how can I fix this? How do I make America great again?"
"Never tell a lie."
"I don't lie. Go away."
Two days ago, he was visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson.
"Hey, Tom, how do I fix this? How can I make America great again?"
"Listen to the people."
"I know what I'm doing. I listen to the best people. The best ones."
Last night, while down at Mar-a-Lago, he was visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln.
"Hey, Abe, how do I fix this? How can I make America great again?"
"Go see a play."
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This Corona virus is a blessing
My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.
She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.
she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.
she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.
Best thing that has ever happened in my life.
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Eminem is the first celebrity to be diagnosed with the corona virus
In a statement he said his palms were sweaty knees weak arms were heavy and presented to the emergency room the vomit on his sweater already .Later tests conclude it was in fact moms spaghetti
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A man with dwarfism walks into the hospital...
There's a guy with dwarfism that showed up in A&E the other night in a foul mood, he was embarrassed because everyone kept looking at him so the nurses put him in a room alone.
He was assessed and it turns out he has bipolar disorder, so the nurses gave him some drugs to mellow him out.
Unfortunately while he was in the hospital he caught the dreaded corona virus, and last night slipped into a coma, becoming the first midget in the UK to fall victim to the disease.
So he started Bashful, saw the Doc, got Grumpy, then Happy. The drugs made him Dopey and then he got Sneezy and went to Sleepy.
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A church decides that god will protect them from the Corona Virus
As a result, **they all agree that they should not wear masks**, because they trust god so much. Weeks later, they all are infected and die from the virus.
They go to heaven and ask god, **"why didn't you protect us?"**
God responded **"that's what the masks were for you dumbasses"**
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A guy is in a doctors office.
His doctor is there with him.
"I have two pieces of bad news," the doctor says.
"What are they?"
"Well, the first piece of news is that you have the corona virus."
"What's the 2nd piece of news?" he asks.
"Well, the 2nd piece of bad news is that you have Alzheimer's."
The man laughs and says, "Well, at least I don't have the corona virus."
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PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
**I've worked out this Corona Virus!!!**
**IT'S BEEN CREATED BY WOMEN!!!**
***Think about it.....***
01, No Sports.
02, All Pubs to shut.
03, 14 Days Quarantine *(so you can finally get those odd jobs done)*
04, Symptoms of Corona are flu like ...... THEY KNOW THAT'S OUR KRYPTONITE!
05, They've name it after a beer!
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Trump was taking a walk through the Rose Garden...
The Secret Service man behind him noticed Trump pausing every once in a while in front of a Rose, grabbing something from the stem, and then putting his hand to his his mouth. Curious, he walked up to the President, whereupon he realized that the President was casually grabbing ants and eating them!!!
**Secret Service**: Sir? What are you doing sir? That is unsafe!
**Trump**: Stop paying attention to Fake News! I heard on Fox that the best way to prevent yourself from getting the coronavirus is to have lots and lots of anty bodies!!!
YOU ARE READING
The Funniest Coronavirus Jokes
HumorA book with a collection of the funniest coronavirus jokes.
