every time i die a little

feb 9.

Gwen felt nervous.

But as time passed, she finished comfortably.

Not minding the stares, except for one.

Why does he stare like that?

There was intensity and Gwen felt uncomfortable under it.

He shouldn't mind me like that, I did what I have to do.

Attention is one Gwen doesn't like but doesn't mind either. She was not shy nor awkward, just silent and alone, as she prefers to be.

But being in a new place is different, and new people for her are odd.

She fiddled awkwardly back to her seat as everyone applaud for her presentation. Her professor even complimented her, she smiled at that.

One flaw about her is that she always have panic attacks after being on some kind of stage. In a moment, she'll be completely fine and confident, but after, she'll tremble and panic.

Van, her seatmate, gave her praises too, then noticed what's happening to her.

"Are you alright? You look very unwell." Her palm places flat on Gwen's forehead, assuming she's sick, but she isn't.

Gwen smiled weakly. "No, I just have this post trembling after some kind of p-presentation." Her voice broke at the end, making a squeaky sound that's too embarrassing to hear.

"Oh," Van retrieved her hand. "You've done so well that this is unusual."

"Thank you—" Her eyes lingered at the farthest seat on her right.

He's still staring.

Gwen made it as if she was just examining the whole room, her eyes returned to the projected lesson. The stare felt heavy that she was convinced by it automatically, with no thoughts at all.

Gwen was supposed to be unnoticeable. No one should stare longer than this, like she interest their pique nor made them curious of her actions. 

It is almost like, she feared the very known.

And he is very known in this institution.

A stare shouldn't linger this long without reason.

Then, what is his reason?

But! I am further across the room, it cannot be that this stares is supposedly only lingered.

Gwen watched her classmates present in front, but on her peripherals, the stare was still there.

Maybe he does have his reason,

And maybe I'll die a little of what it could be.