Road To Random

My Life at the Current Moment

I love my mother, don't get me wrong...

But wouldshe just GIVE ME A BREAK?!?!?!?!

If she throws away my shit that I have placedin specific locations for a reason, I am going to lose my shit and slap abitch (anyone I come across). Like, obviously my midterm assignments that are due today are a lot moreimportant than cleaning the house or doing what you tell me to!!

I am spendingMY money to go to school! Not to fuckin do whatever in the hell you want meto!!! Damn!!!

THIS IS WHY I DON'T TAKE ONLINE COURSES!!! CAUSE I KNOW THIS SHIT WILL GO DOWN!!

And the thing that upsets me the most is the fact that she lets my younger sister get away with not doing ANY house work whenever she has assignments to do for HIGHSCHOOL!!!!! And I know it's because she has the chance for a brighter and more efficient job. She is going into the medical field for crying out loud!! Of course my mother is going to favor her out of all of her kids! She is going to be the one making the most money and actually doing something with her life!

I don't even know if she really cares about me or my feelings! I will take off work or take a break from doing homework and assignments to go spend the day with her and the rest of my family, and all she does is hand me a fuckin camera and tell me to take pictures of them and whatever is going on around them! And when I say no, I get told, by my own mother, that that is the ONLY REASON I WAS WITH THEM!!!!!

Like, what the fuck? Do I really not matter to you? Are my feelings just something for you to toy with and abuse? Is that really all I am good for? Just someone to capture moments with you and the rest of my family and my sister's friends, while I am out of the picture , quite literally??

And everyone wonders why I am depressed and have bad stress and anxiety.

This is a constant thing that happens, and they don't even know that I'm not straight. I would definitely be out of the picture when that gets out. Why is this what my life has come to? I always feel like I am a fuckin burden and a useless waste of oxygen and space. Life is fuckin shit and it pisses me off.

I wish I would have gone to school somewhere far away when I had the chance to.