Lavender Liaisons

Introduction

Why Lavender Liaisons? The Lavender Menace revolution is why. They were these amazing lesbian feminist revolutionaries. It is an ode to them for helping pave the way. Thank you for letting me meet some of the most fantastic women I have ever met, to grow intimate with them, for letting me be able to love openly and most importantly for letting me be myself.

So, on that note; what is it like to be a part of the modern lesbian age? Well, for me being a lesbian millennial, it has been five failed relationships; more than enough one night stands; and a lot of figuring out correct phrasing, what I like and don't like, my comfort level, and dealing with hate and violence. Oh, there is also the whole appreciating everyday because we are living in a constant fear state due to the current political climate trumping over dreams, environment, and safety. Maybe that is why we rush into love because we are afraid that the end is near and we want to be able to live our lives to the fullest.

It is no secret that lesbian dating is complicated. Yes, all types of dating is complicated but I am specifically wanting to discuss women dating other women. What is there after Pride occurs? There really isn't many lesbian bars you can go to anymore. There are mostly designated nights where most of the lesbians of the city are there and have dated one another or their friends have dated. The dating history of the city's women who love women community can get pretty murky. Hence, ho it can get really awkward really fast. Online dating is not the safest and most lesbians will not make the first move out of being shy or whatever other reason. Or you have the infamous unicorns. If you do not know already, unicorns are couples, a male and female, who are seeking a third. They typically bait a lesbian with the female and then the male springs out of nowhere whether it is in a digital or public setting.

One night stands are possible. In my experience if you are just upfront with a girl after you have been dancing or talking for awhile there will be a moment where you are comfortable enough to just ask or insinuate wanting to go someplace quieter. Always make sure there is solid consent. Consent is the most important thing. Some might reject you but hey at least you tried and you will both move on and you will most likely find another girl who will want to sleep with you.

Once you actually find a person that you end up in a relationship with there are the usual relationship obstacles of course. Besides those, your lesbian relationship can be subjected to lesbian bed death. This, I believe is partially caused by the infamous monthly gift. Think about it; when you spend enough time with another girl you both eventually sync up. Most girls periods last between five and seven days. So, that means a lesbian relationship can have up to two weeks of no sexual intimacy because of this. Now there is no issue with having period sex. If you both are into it, go for it. When I am on my period sometimes I am increasingly horny and other times I feel so disgusting I don't want anyone to touch me or even look at me for that matter. Thus, periods are extreme wildcards in lesbian relationships.

Another severe obstacle in lesbian relationships is being seen as justified. That people, typically men, aren't berating you with questions such as "Are you sure?", "You're still in your experimental phase?"," How do you have sex?", or one of my favorites, "Can we watch?". It wouldn't be seen as polite or anywhere near socially acceptable to ask a heterosexual couple so why is it seen as okay to ask a lesbian couple?

If you are able to get past lesbian bed death and other obstacles then you will eventually be debating over marriage. I believe a good marriage where two people who are actually in love is possible it's only rare. Hopefully, I will be able to find the one who will listen to my bad jokes and go be a beach bum with me for the rest of our lives. I'm still hungry for adventure. Maybe I'm too contradicting. I want to have a place to settle down but, I don't want to stop adventuring. I want to travel with my partner to many places and try new things. People have said to me that, that is what they want too but then when it comes to it they really just want to settle. I don't want settling; I want authenticity. Is that even possible with the human variable?

On a serious note please be careful. Not every place is so accepting of the gay community still. Even in safe spaces some people purposeful go there to target. Hate and violence for this community is still very real. Being aware of your surroundings and being prepared for any sort of retaliation is extremely important. Just remember to remain calm.

This book is about all the times I believed I found the one. I reflect back on it now and go back and forth between calling these relationships infatuations and not love. Then I try to rationalize how they were love. I over analyze each relationship I have and that is most likely part of the problem. My mental health was all over the place in these four relationships. I cannot stress enough the importance to ask and look for help. Never let your pride or fear get in the way of bettering yourself. You owe it to your future, past, and present self to be the best and healthiest you, you can be.

Writing this book has been apart of my healing. It has allowed me to reflect, laugh, accept, and admit the good and the bad of my past romantic life. Writing this is helping shape what I want the future to be for my romantic life. Hopefully, it will help you be able to do the same.

Best of luck,

Rodarti