Lavender Liaisons

Shift

                                                                        Altering movements ripple,

through the atmosphere.

Scarce fulfillment and unexplained meaning,

threatens my being.

Therefore, I am inclined to wander down the hall.

Reflections of past meanings,

only push unwanted feelings,

to saunter through my thoughts.

Victimized by the bottle, the cigarettes, and the porcelain,

I bask in these demeritorious desires,

that send waves of unknown feigned fulfillment throughout my body,

as I bathe in the icy waters of my tub.

I leave the bottle on the porcelain as I have this weird perturbed relationship with it.

It makes it's presence well-known,

leading my skin to crawl.

Secretly, it soothingly begs me to succumb to it.

A drink brings on a numbness that is ever so alluring.

I nurse on the cigarette as I search the production of smoke.

I seek to find something,

anything but, results have yet to appear.

The swirling smoke I breathe out and feel paint itself across my skin consumes me.

It comforts me as it hugs my lungs and my heart with each breath,

as I silently wished for my lungs and my heart to give in,

because my body was not mine to claim anymore,

it was hers,

and hers,

Alone.