International/ Payton Moormeier

4.

"Erica, the dinner is ready" sounds the sweet voice of Karen behind my door. Thankfully, it's locked and no one can see me in this state until I let them.

I've been crying for an hour without stopping, but then host parents came home from work, so I just had to stop. I don't know when Payton and Vanessa left the house if they did leave. I didn't hear anything. But it's not like I cared. It's not like I care about them now.

"I don't want to eat" I yell, trying to control my voice, so it has to sound steady, not shaky.

"C'mon, Erica. You have to eat. We'll be waiting for you" she replies and then leaves.

A just exhale and inhale. I'm so tired. I want to sleep. I don't want to eat, especially if there is Vanessa. I'm just going to go downstairs and see if she's there I'm going to take a cup of water and go back here and if she's not maybe I'll eat some vegetables, but I'm not sure eat.

Actually, there are only 2 things which are bothering me right now. Why I don't want to see Vanessa? Firstly, because I want to punch her? Or secondly, because I'm too sad to do it and I feel kind of betrayed. If she picked me up I would have to stay outside for who knows how long, I wouldn't have awkward conversations with this Sue girl, because I know I totally embarrassed myself. If she picked me up I'd just have a peaceful drive home and I wouldn't have to deal with this asshole named Payton. I hate him.

I walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror, before washing my face from tears. I haven't cried in forever, I think. My Face and eyes are red. I need to look a bit better, before I meet my host family. That's why I find my powder and put it on. At least, I don't look like a zombie now.

I slowly walk out of the dorm and down the stairs. Thankfully Vanessa isn't at home, because I still hasn't decided what am I going to do when I see her.
I guess, she's lucky she's not here for now.

Karen makes me sit down and put some meals in my plate, but it doesn't mean I'm actually going to eat all of it. I eat some vegetables and a chocolate candy after I put my plates in the dishwasher.

"I'm pretty tired right now, the week has been quite stressful, to be honest." Well, mostly today was the most stressful day "that's why I'd better go to sleep now" I confess and with the 'goodnight, sleep well' from my host parents and baby Charlotte I go to my dorm.

And I do as I told. I fall asleep immediately. I can't  take more of  today.

—-

I wake up with a terrible headache. It happens from time to time, when I get tired, but it usually goes away after the sleep. And as you can guess, it didn't go away. So I look at the clocks near my bed just to see that it's 9:38 am. Cool. I crack out of bed to go to the bathroom. In the cabinet I finally find my pain killers, so I take them.

I walk back to my bed and lay down, knowing myself too good that I'm not going to fall asleep anymore. Dang it, I really want to go home. I don't want this troubles, I just want to go back, everything was fine back then.

I mean, I really enjoy the school and the process, but not when I don't have anyone around. I love school, but now dislike people. Which is weird. Because back in Germany, it was a completely opposite situation, I didn't like the schooling, but enjoyed spending time with my friends. And let me tell y'all that the first option is more terrible.

So the mood for today is better don't come near me or you'll regret it. I decide that I wouldn't like to have a breakfast with the whole family, that's why I'm wearing my sweatpants and a T-shirt run down the stairs to grab a glass of apple juice and yogurt with peaches. I usually add some pieces of bread in yogurt and I bet it's weird for most of you, but I like it. It tastes better and it's more nutritious to me.