More Than Your Friend

part 4: Misery and sweatpants

The bright sun woke you up the next morning. But it couldn't get you out of bed. You're could feel the grit in your puffy eyes from crying and your whole body seemed to ache with every movement. Your mind rushed with remembrenc of last night.

Knocking on his door, the giggle, fuck the giggle. Bucky standing there shirtless watching you fall. All of it came rushing back. Foolish and alone were your words of the day.

You decide not to get dress, sweatpants pair well with misery. You plop down on your couch and decide to drown your sorrows binge watching Outlander. Just because you didn't have your love story you might as well root for Claire and Jamie's.

The day dragged on until you heard a knock at the door. Your heart skips just a little. It calms when you see Natasha standing there. "Hey Nat," you say waving her in, making your way back to the couch.

"Are you kidding me right now (y/n)?" She yells. "What happened with Bucky? I saw him and he said you knocked on his door and ran."

You scoffed, "That's not exactly what happened." You paused reliving your embarrassment.

"When I got there he wasn't alone Nat. She was in his room and he was half naked. What was I supposed to do? Say 'hey Bucky I know you're on a date and were best friends, but I've secretly been falling in love with you for the last year? Please go ahead and finish your date and let me know how you feel later." You drop your head in your hands.

"I thought I could do this, I really did Nat," tears well in your eyes again. "I think I might transfer out."

Natasha grabs your shoulders and shakes you hard. "Absolutely fucking not (y/n)!" She makes you look her in the eye. "You cannot do that. I won't let you. Listen to me I love Bucky and I know this hurts, but you are not one of those girls who run. We aren't those girls. We face and we fight. No matter how much it hurts. Do you understand me." 

You wiped the tears from your face cause she was right. This wasn't you. You didn't cry over guys, you didn't wallow and tear yourself down. This wasn't you. "You're right Nat. This isn't me. I can't give up what I've worked for. For anyone."

"Good," Natasha said smiling. "You know there are other people who love you here." You smile, lucky to have her in your life. "Now snap out of it (y/n). We have a meeting in the conference room in an hour."

You smile as she leaves and remembered that besides Bucky there were others here who loved and needed you. What the hell was I thinking?
************************************

You decide to do what you do best. Kick ass. You shower and head toward the conference room. You see everyone talking casually, with Tony and Cap standing at the head of the room. As much as you try not to, you immediately notice Bucky sitting next to Sam talking. You got this.

Everyone takes a seat and waits, you try not to make eye contact with Bucky and focus on Cap and Tony. Conference room usually means serious business.

"Okay everyone, I'll keep this short and simple," Steve says. "We have evidence of a secret Hydra facility located in Paris. We received Intel that they've kidnapped several doctors, reasons unknown."

"Doesn't matter it's never good," Bucky said. Steve nodded at him.

"You're right, that's why we're acting now. We're going in quietly in teams. Half to neutralize the Hydra agents the other half is resuce. Me, Sam and Bucky are to lead first. Natasha, (y/n) Wanda are to locate the prisoners and evacuate. Tony will be our eye in the sky should something go wrong. I would like to make this as in and out as possible, but things never seem to be that easy. We're in the air within the hour." We dispersed quietly. As you exited Bucky tapped your shoulder gently, "Hey are you okay? What happened last night?" You found it hard to look him in the eye.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I had been drinking with Nat and I didn't mean to interrupt your date. Just wanted to check on you." You managed to choke out.

He smiled. "Thanks. The date went good I think. She seems nice. The movie was a good idea, it gave me something to talk about. You know I'm not usually good at that part. At least not anymore." You smiled back at him.

"I'm glad I could help. We better get going. You know how Steve is if we're late." You turn to walk away. He grabbed your arm gently.

"Are you sure your okay (y/n)?" Concerned crossed his face. "I'm fine Bucky. I'll see you on the plane," adding a wink for emphasis. He watched you walk away.

You can do this, you can do this, you can do this.
************************************
On the plane you're still keeping it together. Bucky hasn't pushed any harder about how you were and you were glad for that. But it was hard to keep your eyes off of him when he wore his black leather suit. The leather hugged every muscle. When he wore it he was so serious, knowing part of him was always going to be the winter soldier. His curse.

His eyes meet yours and you smile pretending you weren't checking him out. You refocus reminding yourself that you were on a mission. Get in, locate, get out. Get in, locate, get out. Get in, locate, get out....

Like Cap said it's never that easy though....
***********************************
You don't remember exactly how you got shot only that it hurt like hell as Bucky bandages your shoulder on the way back.

"You're lucky it's clean. Through and through." Bucky said with a wink.

"I wouldn't exactly call myself lucky Buck. I got shot." You retort.

"Then I'm lucky." You're heart stops at his words. "Cause you're still alive" he said placing the last bandage on. His hand lingered. "I don't know what I would do if something happened to you (y/n)."  You prayed he wouldn't go on cause you were melting inside.

You had no words. You felt the same. If you lost him you wouldn't know what to do. The happiness it caused in you knowing that he felt that too. You smiled at him again. Those Steele blue eyes burning yours. "It'll take more than that to get rid of me Buck." He flashed that smile again. Anything to make him smile.

The plane landed and you were glad to be home. You went straight to medical to get your arm patched up. In a day or two you would be as good as new.