Dear Crush,
Hey there, I have been wanting to talk to you since the day I saw you. We were poles apart. I was shy and quiet and you were, well, the popular one. I still remember that day- we were all dressed in coloured clothes. You approached us - me and my friends and started talking. You were funny, cute and for some strange reason I just couldn't stop blushing. You know what attracted me the most towards you? Your smile. Till then I didn't know that a smile could make you feel all giddy, your heart flutter or your belly full of butterflies . And that's when I realized, I had a crush on you.
I told my friends about you. They were happy for me. You were the reason I wanted to go to school everyday. My friends would tease me, call me by your name and by the end of the day I would look like a tomato. But I liked it. A lot. I am aware that you came to know about my little crush on you but you didn't say anything. Yeah I know it might have been awkward for you too.
I still remember the day, when we were assigned with a class teaching assignment. You were sitting on the very first bench and to say that I was nervous would be an understatement. My mind was all over the place. I couldn't lift my eyes from the book to look at you. To conclude, I didn't do my assignment well.
The next two years I had to secretly watch you during the lunch break because we were not in the same class anymore. It broke me when I came to know that your were committed to the new girl in your class. I was jealous and hurt. I thought maybe it was my weight that bothered you or simply the fact that you would never fall for me.
You know, in my head, I took us to places, where you would kiss me softy, tell me that you love me. But all that what my heart desired was just in my head.
Two years went by fast with my friends teasing me, encouraging me to approach you and confess my feelings for you. But I just couldn't do it.
I still remember those days when you would pass by and wave me a 'Hi', when our gaze would meet and you would break into a breathtaking smile. Trust me, I still keep thinking about those moments. I still can't get you off my mind.
When you left school, your thoughts followed me everywhere. I would ask my friends about you,try to find you on Facebook and Instagram and what not. My friends told me to move on, find someone better and forget about you. But you never left my mind.
After I went college, things became easier. Classes and assignments kept me busy. But then one day, I saw your insta follow request and heat filled my heart. My eyes were ready to fall out of sockets, my heart was pounding fast and my body felt hot. See, the effect you have on me. I saw a ray of hope that maybe you would text me. But I was wrong. Very wrong. It's been more than a year, I still haven't received any texts from you and I'm too scared to send you one. My lips break into a soft smile when I see that you've liked my posts and viewed my stories. Social media seems to be the only source of communication between us, but that too - one way.
When I recall those school days, I feel like I should have been a little more brave, should have confessed my feelings for you. But the thought of rejection or maybe my conserved personality couldn't do that. I still have this urge to message you, to make you my friend. But I can't seem to do that. It's not that I'm shy around guys. I'm not, not anymore. Maybe it's just you, that I can't talk to. I don't know if I still have this crush on you. Maybe 3 years of secretly loving you has convinced my mind that there will be no one but you.
I fear falling in love with other guys, because the thought of them, not loving me back pops up in my head and I come back to square one.
But you know what, you'll always be a special part of me, locked inside the box of memories in my heart. You'll always be my first love, my unrequited love.
From,
The girl who loved you.
