I've never allowed men to climb the wall I had build around myself.I know if I start opening up, there are chances that I'll get attached to them because I tend to fall for men who have a way with words. They make things seem magical and surreal. But these men break your heart and leave you broken.
You were different. I knew it when I saw you for the first time. But I never pegged myself to fall in love with you. And since the day I fell in love with you, I began picturing my perfect little world with you in it.
Listening to "Prateek Kuhad" and "Cigarette after Sex" I imagine your hands holding my waist ,my hands wrapped around your neck , heads touching and our lips merely an inch away. Breathing hard, we lean in to kiss. The lyrics "My Heart Is A Mess" fitting perfectly when our lips meet.
I dream of us going on long drives to places where no one can find us. Sitting on the hood of your car, gazing at stars with your head on my shoulder.
I dream of my back pressed against your chest, your lips marking territory on my neck as we slowly sway to the rhythm of the song playing in our living room.
I dream of us sitting in the porch snuggled up against each other watching the sun rise. The sunlight on your face making you look breathtaking , compelling me to memorize each and every detail.
I dream of you randomly kissing my forehead, resting your head on my lap,playing with my hair, clicking my candid pictures and every other thing a lover does.
I have fantasized your presence in my kitchen for like uncountable times-our hands roaming on each other's body - devouring and tasting till we can't get enough of each other. The nights where you would hold me tight in your arms, with my head on your chest, your fingers caressing my cheek and hair.
But I sleep with tears in my eyes ,my fantasies fading away when I see you with her. When you laugh at her jokes or kiss her lips softly, when you walk with your hand in hers. It hurt's to see you with her. It feels like I'm destined to fall for someone who can never love me back.
Maybe I'm better off alone.
