All I want is your love

Chapter 18

He cleared his throat once more before he started talking in a very gentle and calm way. His voice makes the butterflies in my stomach dance unstoppingly. “Aisha” he called my name again with full authority. I raised up my head our gaze meeting now. “You wouldn't marry out of love, will you?” He threw a question at me holding my gaze.

     I tried to make my voice as meek as possible before answering his question. Finally I said “yes” nodding in agreement.

      He said “good” for the third time. I think good is his favorite word so far. He paused and then continued, “and you wouldn't also marry someone who's not in love with you right?”

     Am having so many mental debates right now and emotions that am feeling which I can't explain. Where is he heading to? Is this normally how a date is? Well probably it suck. For a sec I thought he was going to tell me how he feels towards me.

        “Hello...?” He said waving his hand into the thin air, bringing me back to the present. I said “no I wouldn't” confidently.

       “You're such a good girl” he said in his charming voice that melts my heart every single heartbeat.

Like seriously? Did he just called me a girl? Not even a lady? What does that suppose to mean?

         He pulled me out of my thought once more by pushing his iphone towards myside of the table. “Look at the picture in here.” he said. I did as he said only to see a very beautiful young lady.

      Her fair skinned, and emarald green eyes says it all. She's indeed very beautiful. After starring at it for some sec I pushed back his phone towards him with a questioning expression on my face. He put on a short smile spreading his lips slightly which only showed some portion of his upper teeth before saying “that is Humairah my girlfriend.” Emphasizing each word and laying more emphasis on ‘Humairah’.

       I felt the world slow as the realization of Usman having a girlfriend  shed down on me. I felt like crying at that instant, my life is totally useless now. For how long have I been waiting for him and only when am about getting him to myself, humairah had him already, this really suck. Is not as if I can compete with her over him because she's way out of my league.

       She's pretty, classy and got it all, she doesn't even seem to have studied in Nigeria probably in the US, her mode of dressing in that picture says it all. But I CANNOT sacrifice the love I have for Him to her . I mean even if I could... Gosh! I just can't.

       I tried to swallow the tears trying to pop out and looked up at him who was starring at me. Trying to make my voice as meek as possible “you.. You... You... have a girlfriend?” I stammered. I just can't help the feeling. I wanna cry.

     Even a blind man can see how I was defeated at that very moment.

      He nodded “yes I do and thats her, Humairah. I met her in the US, her dad's an american whereas her mom from here, Nigeria...”

My throat constricted out of nervousness. I just wanted to cry at that very moment only it will make me feel better.

         He continued... “I have been courting her for the past 2 years now. Humairah, is the love of my life, I love her so much and in all my future plans, I've planned it with her she's the mother to my children and just as I was about introducing her to mom, she came up with this crazy idea of arranged marriage between you and I which will never exist between us...

  
         ... No offense but I don't love you Aisha.” Laying more emphasis on ‘you.’ “Not that you're not pretty or girly. Sure you're pretty and you know that too, its just that we are not meant for each other, you and I belong to a different world...”
      He paused.

          “... I may like you as my sister but I can't love you as my girlfriend, fiancè or even a wife, it won't happen. So the reason why I set up this whole date is to be frank with you and tell you what’s really in my heart and I just did without hurting your feelings right...?” Waiting for confirmation from devastated me

     Total silence...

“... Right?” Again waiting for confirmation.

        I nodded mutely which made him smile a little. He noticed the sudden change in my mood and asked if I was at all alright.

      I mean like seriously? Is he for real? After telling me these hurting words and rubbing it to my face he doesn't love me and never will, so he still expect me to smile back at him? Then he's way delusional.

        I managed to gather quiet alot of courage and spoke up. “So then why did you agree to this whole thing in the first place? Why didn't you tell your mom you had a girlfriend?” I said almost crying voice dropping considerable.

     He answered instantly “because I don't want to turn her down.”

       “Then what the usefullness of telling me this now? I mean how can I be of help? Our parents already spok...”

        He cut me off... “sure you are of great help here, all I want from you is to go back to your mother and tell her you don't like me, am not the one for you, tell her I didn't suit your taste at all make me look bad I couldn't care less”

        Then you must be dump to say that. No one could ever love you the way I can. Don't you know? I was the one who told mum I love you. How on earth do you expect me to go back to her and tell her I do not love you now?
  
     I stopped my rational thinking and spoke up.

      “I don't think its possible. I actually don't want to turn down my mom either.” I said my gaze not leaving the floor.

       “Don't stumble sweetheart...” he said full of sarcasm

    Although its totally sarcasm, the way he called me ‘sweetheart’ but it still meant something to me.

      He continued, “Think about this wisely, you have a chance now, you have a decision to make which will determine your future. You’re not even yet a graduate, why are you so eager. There's time for everything. Am not asking of an answer from you now I'll give you alot of time to think about this when your answer is ready call me and lets meet up, so we'll get this arranged marriage whatever in the history.”

      My heart is broken, I can't stand these words anymore. I want to cry. I need to cry, please but I still won't give up on.

           “No James am sorry I really can't do this. If you don't like this whole thing so badly as you say why not meet my mom or yours and tell them you don't want it am sure they'll consider your say. Why are you trying to make me look like the bad guy here?” I said voice dropping considerbly with moisture filled in my eyes.

He ruined everything. He really don't know how much I've loved him and how much I will in the future, if he really does he wouldn't have hurt me like he did now. Its not as if am not going to proceed with my studies, I’ll surely proceed after the wedding. Why won't he give an US  a chance? Despite all the horrible words he said to me now I still don't care, my eyes, ears, and entire body wants him. I want him for myself alone...

        “Am not trying to make you look like the bad guy in here sweetheart.” He said calmy and sweetly and then paused his lips for a while before he continued, “Its for your own good and future. You have a bright future Aisha, don't ruin it for my sake. Get back to college your mr right is there waiting for you. We are not meant for each other sweetheart. Do think...”

       “crap! Why is he calling me sweetheart? It affecting me and making me wanna stick to him the more. I swear I can feel some tears rolling down my cheeks. I quickly redirected my attention to wipe them off.