[✔] Lockout of Sanity (boyxboy)

19. Wide Awake

When he wakes up, he first stares at the ceiling for the longest amount of time, trying to discern reality. His heart sank upon being force to realize that that wasn't a mere dream. It was reality and that's just the price he had to pay for volunteering in the first place. He should not have tried to play God. He suppresses his urge to cry so instead, he laughs out loud to himself. You're a fool, he cursed at himself silently for his own fallacy.

He heard someone calls out his name. His real name. He turns to face a woman who was sitting by his side. He intuitively smiles at her. She looks relieved upon seeing his smile. "You're 'you' again," she whispered and smiles back at him. A tear rolls down her cheek. "I was so worried," she added.

He looks at her almost nonchalantly and then he immediately feels the need to scratch at the itch of his curiosity. "How's him? The other guy?" He asked, pretending not to put too much concern in his voice.

She looks distressed at the mentioning of the other person and can't help but to look away for a moment. She later faces him again and smiles reassuringly. "He's fine," she said. "That pretty boy is tougher than you think," she continued and both of them laugh a little. His laughter, however, sounds hypocritical instead of pleasant but the woman did not notice. Of course, he knew better. That pretty boy with blue eyes, is definitely tough and alluring. He can't help but remember everything in great details.

He remembers that the first time he met him, he had no faith whatsoever in the weak-looking boy. He complained to his fellow researchers that the boy won't make even one minute in the program with his weak body and mind. But the boy challenged him. And him, being the egotistical genius, accepted the challenge. They both volunteered to be part of the experiment to challenge the mind by being planted with false memories of deceased criminals and took their lives as their own in virtual reality world while being subjected under intense control of drug to keep them comatose for a few days. A few days. But it felt longer in that other reality. He has the nerve to say now that they were both too stupid and arrogant. Too tough. Too ignorant. Too unrealistic. Too... too far gone.

"Where is he now?" He dared himself to ask.

"He already went home. Back to his country," she simply informed.

He can so much deduce now that the experiment would be classified as a failure though little developments from the data had been greedily taken by the government. He can guess that they are eager to use it for the military. He had, of course, been visited by them before and the idea was presented to him though he had rejected their proposal. Now, with such destruction, he had to let go of his hard work to them. To be honest, good riddance. It was a wicked experiment. The social experiment of implantation of false memory into ordinary human beings to test out the ability of the brain to 'cheat' the body to become stronger, better, and of course... crueler. The experiment which will be able to erase sympathy and empathy from humans can turn anyone into a killing machine. Soldiers with no compassion and only accept orders with no questions asked. He dares not think of the consequences of his 'hard work' to the world in the future. Can he be ignorant to them? Can he?

Despite it all, he can't deny the fact that it had impacted him so much. Part of him is gone. He can't go back to being the person he was. Everything that had happened in the program felt real. He can in fact still feel the taste of the blue-eyed boy's soft pale skin on his tongue. A longing. Lust. Longing. Want. Desire. Longing. It hurts...

He clears his throat to clear the dirty thoughts in his head. "What about that guy who shot himself?" He asked, diverting his attention to another matter.

"That?" She sighs frustratingly shortly after hearing the question. "Something went wrong with one of the tubes in the equipment and he was abruptly awoken. Under normal circumstances, he's supposed to be dead from such malfunction but we underestimated the program. We underestimated humans' minds. He had become invincible. He was still in the illusion that he is a criminal designed by the program so he went on a rampage. I have no idea where he got the guns and all," she explained and he can only immediately think of how heavily armed the security guards at the place and how absolutely weak they are. That guy could possibly overpower them easily and seized their weapons. He curses at the thought. The woman grunts a little from frustration of simply reliving the event to him. "All of our hard work is gone. Can you imagine?" She complained.

He can imagine. But, dear God, he no longer cares. Screw the program, he thought. He just wants to see him. Once all is calm, he will look for him and then only can he have closure. Then only can he think of other things. Then only can he figure out his next move. Not until then. Not until he looks into that mesmerizing blue eyes again.