排球 ; 𝗁𝖺𝗂𝗄𝗒𝗎𝗎 𝗈𝗇𝖾𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗍𝗌

𝐈𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐞 ; 𝘴.𝘬𝘰𝘴𝘩𝘪

Sugawara Koshi

"Hey, isn't that the girl that Sir Suzume suspended?"

Ignore them.

"Oh! She was caught in a bar with a college student, right?"

"Yeah, they were grinding with each other. Seriously, what a slut."

Ignore them, (Y/N).

Looking down on the marbled floor, I walked at the school's hallways with people whispering and looking at me with distasteful looks. Turning the volume of my headphones to a max, I ignored all the things that people were talking about me.

A particular man appeared in my thoughts—his usual bubbly smile turned to a scowl of disappointment and disgust. I shudder when I saw what he mouthed in my head; it was traumatizing in a way that I was already ready for.

I walked in the usual noisy classroom when the lively banters and conversations turned to silence as people looked at me and started talking with each other's friends. Sitting on my usual seat, someone threw me a crumbled paper which I flinched. I shakily grabbed the imperfect crumbled paper and opened it.

Tears began forming in my eyes and I just looked down on my lap, crushing the paper in the process.

'You're a disgrace you whore'

I heard the loud laughter of the people who threw me that paper, calling me names and making fun of me.

I was actually ready for this; those discriminating gazes, the fall of my reputation,

And for the end of our relationship.

"Everyone, stop that."

I looked at the person who said those in a firm and threatening voice. Tears stopped when I saw a familiar face; light grey hair and hazel-brown eyes. The usual gentle smile was replaced with a collective frown as he looked at everyone. Sugawara oozed anger as he gazed at everyone in the room. Behind him was Sawamura who was looking at me with a concerned face.

Why is Koshi doing this for me? Why do they look concerned? Why aren't they disgusted and avoiding eye contact or anything? Why?

I met his eyes and I quickly averted mine. What happened was all my fault, I know that, getting drunk when I'm not even legal yet and running away from home after causing a rebellion.

What I did was unpleasant, it marked me as a 'disgrace'. I couldn't take it anymore, it may be because of being a teen, I sure as heck am not that matured, but I do know what was causing my actions.

Mother would come home with different men each week, there was never a day where I could see the same guy from the other week. Being a single parent, she did everything for the both of us, but I couldn't take it when she was risking her dignity just for me. She didn't want me to work, so she was almost absent for five days per week.

I bit my lower lip as I stared at my fists trying to force myself from breaking when Suga then grabbed me and pulled me up, wrapping an arm around me as he talked to Daichi.

"Daichi, tell sensei that (Y/N)'s not feeling well and I accompanied her to the nurse's office." he said as he guided me to the doors of the classroom.

I saw Daichi nod as we went out of the class.

It was a quiet journey to the nurse's office, as soon as the nurse saw us, she didn't say anything and just nodded at us as Suga smiled at her. I sat on the bed as I still kept my gaze down, the guilt and the anxiety slowly building up on me to an extreme as my hands were shaking by the force I'm putting in my fists.

Biting my lower lip, I accidentally let out a sob as Suga was seated in front of me, quietly watching me.

"I'm a mistake, aren't I?"

I asked quietly, Suga just stayed quiet as I finally broke down in front of him.

Everything hurts. It just hurts! Being alive like this just makes me feel that everything, every single fiber of my being, is a mistake. I don't deserve Koshi, I don't deserve the friends that I have,

I am not worthy to have any of that luxury.

I quietly whimpered as I tried to tone down my voice, I hid my face with my hair, afraid to look at Suga. Afraid of anything.

"I deserve to die, Suga. I'm a disappointment, a disgrace, a mistake, a nuisance, an ass." I said, my voice shaking.

"I don't deserve you, Koshi."

He suddenly hugged me and patted my back. He hugged me tight, and I was shocked at his sudden action.

Why? What is he doing? Out of pity?

"Suga-"

"Stop it, (Y/N)."

I could feel his voice tremble and wet droplets of tears on my shoulder. He was crying.

I pursed my lips and cried out loud on his shoulder. Neither of us saying anything as we both cried in the Nurse's office. I was burying my face on his neck as I wailed out and cried and apologizing a lot of times.

Suga just stayed silent, patting my back soothingly.

He pulled away as I looked at him, he wore a smile on his face while tears kept streaming out of his face.

"You don't need to fight alone, (Y/N). I'm here and everyone is. Stop putting the burden all on yourselves, why am I here then?" he said as I looked at him with tired eyes, "I love you, (L/N)(Y/N). You made a mistake, but that won't stop me for being there for you."

"That's how much I love you, so please. From now on, tell me your problems and we'll go overcome them, together."

He pushed away my tears as he put his forehead over mine. My tears kept on going but my chest got lighter because of him.

Why did I have him? Do I really deserve this man?

I put a strained smile at him, "Do I even deserve you?"

"Who knows, but I know that it doesn't matter as long as I love you."