Jiley Oneshots

Beautiful

I've decided to start taking requests for oneshots. If you have an idea for a oneshot you'd like to read, leave me a comment:)
This was requested by @Sxarletwidow3014

Riley's POV

I tried not to watch Emily and Eldon as I ate. Emily had invited Eldon over for dinner, something I was not pleased about. Usually we all eat at different times, tonight mom made us all sit at the table together. Emily and Eldon were chatting with my parents, Eldon watching Emily with a look of adoration. I sat in silence, struggling to eat the chicken and potatoes on my plate. Emily was furious with me still for going behind her back so she wasn't acknowledging me, and mom and dad were more interested in getting to know Eldon. I watched as Eldon wrapped his arm around Emily's waist. Her shirt rose and he rubbed her bare skin. I swallowed the lump in my throat, hanging my head to hide the tears that were prickling my eyes. I bet I'd have a boyfriend if I looked like Emily. Eldon's been in love with Emily for years, there's no question why. She's gorgeous. A tear hit my plate and I quickly wiped my eyes, clearing my throat before excusing myself. I stood, scraping my food into the garbage before tossing the plate in the sink. I hurried upstairs, running in the bathroom and closing the door just as the tears started falling down my face. I locked the door as I sobbed, looking at myself in the mirror. I pulled at my shirt, examining my torso. I'm so fat. Why would Kate and Chris put me on A troupe? No one wants a fat dancer. Maybe it's because they pity me. They feel bad only putting Emily on so I made it as well so they wouldn't feel as guilty. They didn't have to, I know I don't deserve it. I'm too fat to be a competitive dancer. I sniffled, turning to the toilet. Kneeling down, I took a breath before sticking my fingers down my throat. It never felt good, but I knew after it was done I'd be slightly skinnier. An empty, hollow pain filled my stomach, and I knew there wasn't anything left for me to throw up. I sighed, leaning against the tub as I cried. Why did I lose the genetic lottery? Emily may as well be a model. I'm just fat and ugly. I heard a knock on the door, surprising me since everyone was so interested in perfect Emily and her boyfriend downstairs. "Riley?" Emily's voice asked, surprising me even more.
"Yeah?" I choked out. What does she want? She hasn't been talking to me, what makes her suddenly want to?
"Open the door." She said. I felt a rush of panic at her words. I can't open the door now. She'll find out what I've done. I stayed silent, panicking as I thought about how to clean myself up. "Riley." My sisters voice called. "Open the door." She said again. I sighed. I have to. I stood, reaching to unlock the door. As I opened it, I hung my head in shame. Emily's eyes darted around the washroom, looking me up and down. She didn't look surprised. She looks upset. She stepped in the washroom, closing the door behind her. "What're you doing?" She asked softly, tucking my hair behind my ear. Tears slipped down my cheeks. I couldn't bare to look at her, miss perfection, while I spoke.
"I thought I could get skinnier this way." I admitted.
"Riley, you don't need to lose weight." Emily told me. I sniffled, still unable to look at my sister.
"I just want to be pretty." I cried. I saw Emily's eyes well up with tears. She exhaled, looking stunned by what I'd just said.
"Honey you're beautiful." She said, wrapping her arms around me tightly. I felt a few tears hit my shoulder. "Why wouldn't you think you're gorgeous?" Emily asked. She sounded pained to have to ask.
"I'm just not." I sobbed. Emily rubbed my back comfortingly.
"You are Ri." She assured me. I nodded, even though I didn't believe her. She's just trying to make me feel better. She doesn't mean it. "Hey, I need you to listen to me." Emily said as she pulled away from our hug so she could look me in the eye. "Promise you won't ever do this again, okay?" She asked.
"Okay." I breathed, causing Emily to pull me back into a hug. She held me tightly, tighter than I can ever remember her holding me. I could feel her pounding heart. Had I scared her? She must've heard me, that's the only way she would've known. How long has she known about this?
"I know I can be a shitty sister, but I love you. I don't want to lose you." Emily whispered, tears dripping down her face and onto my shoulder again. She placed a kiss on my head, before pulling away. "Clean up, put your pyjamas on and go rest in your room. Once Eldon leaves I'll bring you something to eat. Mom and dad don't have to know about this." Emily stated. I nodded, smiling weakly but gratefully at her. She left me, closing the door behind her. I sighed, walking over to the sink to splash my face with water. I don't know how to keep my promise. I don't know how to stop throwing up. I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Something that gave me an idea. I turned, walking to the shower to pick up my razor. I placed it against my wrist, dragging it. I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming out in pain. I lifted the razed from my skin, watching blood prickle from the newly made cut. Surely this is a good deterrent to keep me from throwing up. The pain is pretty terrible. I rinsed off the razor, placing it back in its spot before using some toilet paper to dab the blood on my wrist away. Once the cut stopped bleeding, I threw the toilet paper out, heading to my bedroom. I changed into pyjamas like Emily told me to, pulling a sweater on to hide the cut from my sister. I waited about half an hour before Emily opened my bedroom door. She smiled at me, closing the door before walking to sit on the edge of my bed. "Here, you need to eat." She said softly as she handed me a bowl of fruit. I hesitated slightly in taking it from her, causing her to speak again. "It's healthy Ri, you know this. You won't gain weight eating healthy stuff." Em reasoned. She was right. I surrendered, taking the bowl and slowly starting to eat one of the fruit. Emily sat with me, watching as I ate. When I finished, she took the bowl, a smile on her face. "You should feel better soon. I promise you Ri, you don't need to lose weight." She reminded me. I simply nodded, watching her as she left.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I sat in studio B a few weeks later. I'd just done it again. I know I promised Emily I wouldn't, but I couldn't help myself. That's what I tell myself every time. I've done it 15 times since I told Emily I'd stop. I knew the number by counting the scars on my wrist. I keep telling myself that cutting will deter it, but it never does. I've had to start wearing long sleeves and sweaters all the time, otherwise people will notice the cuts. Then I'll be in trouble again. I swallowed, knowing I couldn't put it off any longer. I sighed, reaching in my dance bag for the razor that I carry with me now. I never know when I'll throw up anymore, I need to be prepared at all times. I sighed, rolling up my sleeve and dragging the blade along my skin. I winced, tears prickling my eyes at the pain. "Riles?!" A voice asked, sounding shocked. I gasped, dropping the razor and lifting my head to see James standing in the doorway. I closed my eyes, bringing my knees into my chest and leaning my head against them as I cried. His footsteps came closer, before I felt his hand on my back. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" James questioned. He rubbed my back softly. It felt nice. Too nice. Like I was being rewarded. I shouldn't get a reward for what I've just done. I should be punished. I moved away from his hand, refusing to look a him. He tucked my hair behind my ear, using his finger to lift my head from my knees. I looked at him with glassy eyes. "Tell me why you're upset." He requested.
"You won't understand." I mumbled, my gaze set on the floor.
"I don't care if I don't understand. I want to know." James told me softly. I sighed, not speaking up. "Tell me why someone as beautiful as you feels the need to cut herself." He said. I scoffed, shaking my head.
"I'm not beautiful." I sniffled. James looked at me confusedly.
"What are you talking about? Riley, you're the most gorgeous girl on A troupe and probably in the entire studio." He stated. I shook my head.
"Don't lie to me." I whispered. He sat quietly, seeming to be frozen. He looked like he didn't know how to respond. Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, he did. He grabbed my cheeks gently in his hands, lifting my head and pressing his lips against mine softly. He kissed me for a moment, pulling away and leaning his forehead against mine. I licked my lips, looking down. "You just feel bad for me." I said, hearing James sigh.
"Riles, I think you're beautiful. I think every girl wishes she looked like you." He told me.
"Really?" I asked, not believing him. He nodded.
"Your brown eyes look like honey when you're looking into the sun, they sparkle when you look at me. When you smile, your whole face lights up. Your smile lights up a room. Your laughter is contagious. When people hear you laughing, they can't help being happy. You're so perfect Riley, other girls wish they were you. So many guys watch you, wishing they were good enough to approach you. You're so beautiful people don't even know what to say to you. You intimidate everyone by how gorgeously perfect you are." James told me. I sniffled, swallowing the lump in my throat.
"Is that really true?" I asked quietly. James nodded.
"Ask anyone, they'll back me up. I know it's true." He reassured me. A tear slipped down my cheek again.
"I don't see this." I whispered. "I don't see what you see." I said, upset. "I don't understand. What's wrong with me?" I questioned. James wrapped his arms around me in a hug, holding me tightly. My heart hurt. My stomach still felt hollow. My brain was spinning.
"It's okay that you don't see it." James told me.
"Will I ever be able to?" I inquired. James nodded his head.
"Yeah Riles, you will. I'm gonna make sure you get the help you need so that you see it too." He promised. I breathed in his scent as he kissed my cheek. I'll see it too. I'll get help and then I'll see what James sees. I'm sure of it.