A Beautiful & Painful Love || MewGulf

VII - 𝒾 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑒𝓌, 𝒾 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓈𝑜 𝒾𝓃 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊

To my one and only, Khun Phi,

It seems this letter has found its way to you huh, Khun Phi? Then, I guess if you're reading it now, it means I've left and gone to the afterlife. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Khun Phi. I didn't mean to be in this situation. But, if I were to be given a chance to re-live my life, I'd still willingly go through the same path I've taken.

I guess you've read the headlines saying my death was caused by the infamous Hanahaki Disease? I honestly didn't want anyone to find out who I loved, afraid that many would blame him. Yes, it's a 'he'. But I thought, since I've accepted my fate, I would like to at least write a letter to the love of my life. Let him know he was and is still loved by me even in the afterlife.

Khun Phi, I love you. I love you so much. You don't have to love me back. But I want you to know that even in my death and throughout the three months suffering from Hanahaki Disease, I still do love you. I was too afraid to let you know the truth. There were times I wished you could read between the lines whenever I tried flirting with you, Phi. Many times I wished for my feelings to be requited. But I knew you struggled with your past. I didn't want to push you too much. I was too afraid to lose you as a friend. Because I'd rather be friends than to lose a friendship over my feelings.

Khun Phi, all those scripted and impromptu things we did for fan-service, I enjoyed it, even looked forward to days we could act as a couple, even if it was only for a few hours. I thanked God I was given the opportunity to cross path with someone like you. I thanked God for allowing me to feel how it is to love someone with my whole heart without expecting anything in return.

You're probably wondering why didn't I opt for the surgery, right, Khun Phi? Well, the answer's pretty simple. The option of surgery was plausible but I did not want and did not wish to go through with the surgery. For I could not imagine a life not knowing how it feels to love you. Call me foolish, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't need you to learn to love me but I do have a favour to ask from you. Could you let our fans, Waanjais, know I love them and I thank them for the ever-lasting support they've given me and us since the beginning?

Khun Phi, I pray you find someone who could love and cherish you just as much as I did or even more so than my love for you. I hope, one day, you'd be able to let your guard down and allow someone in. Please stay healthy, Phi and please eat. I know you've been trying to bulk up again but please don't do extreme dieting alright?

Khun Phi, please don't blame yourself for my death. I had already accepted my fate the moment I fell for you. You were not meant for me in this lifetime. But I pray we'd be brought together in the next lifetime. I pray you'd be meant for me in the other lifetimes we may have together. I'm sorry if I have ever made you angry or upset you when I was still alive. I hope you can forgive any of my wrongdoings towards you.

If God permits, we will meet again in the next lifetime, Khun Phi. For now, I'll be watching over you from above.

I'm sorry and I love you.

Forever loving you,

Yai Nong