Conquering the War

Introduction

Before you start reading, indulge yourself in prayer:

Father God, I thank you for this life you have given me. Thank you for waking me up every single day that lets me open new doors for improvement. O God, I ask the guidance of the Holy Spirit as I read each chapter for me to understand all the things you want to tell me. Cleanse me O God from all unrighteousness, heal and bind up my wounds. Search my heart O Lord, and tell me what really my motives are. Give me the new heart you've molded. Help me O Lord, to have a heart like yours, a heart that truly understands, and a heart that never fails to believe. This I ask in the name of Jesus,

Amen.

Before, everytime I rise up in the morning, I always have the exact same feeling I had yesterday; the feeling of anxiety, loathe, pride, sadness, envy; the reserved feelings I don't usually show everyone else. I go to church pretending to be strong and non-problematic. I worship, I pray, but I never had the freedom I long. I am deeply scarred by these captive emotions, chained by it and I've never flown away successfully. I thought it's my potential and my strength that will bring me to the finish line but I was indeed wrong about it. I thought being on top is always important. But for the 1000th time, I was wrong.

This was the war I can't unravel for so long. I just sin and sin and sin all over again. But, when I started delighting myself to God's words and confessing what I really feel about everyone who caused me pain, I was moved. I was able to experience God's greatness. A genuine joy I never encountered in my entirety. I have realized a lot of things and experienced countless breakings as a part of my process. It took years for me to receive the freedom I have today. And from there, I realized that it is on the heart's willingness and is not dependent on our own capabilities. God is always telling me to:

"Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

As I continue journeying, I bring this life verse with me, with this in my heart, I'm indeed guided and reminded.

-God loves you