anorexia//an anthony reeves fanfic

Chapter Ten

Ashley's POV (She is on her run right now, just thinking and whatnot) 

When my dad first died, I was not anorexic. I was, however, depressed. I didn't eat, but I wasn't anorexic. 

I laid in bed for days, not moving. I showered occasionally, but that was the extent to me leaving my bedroom. 

And all I did was cross the hall. 

I lost a lot of weight from not eating, and that made me feel accomplished. Made me feel like I had something to live for when I didn't feel like living at all. 

But I never had an eating disorder. I didn't then, and I don't now. 

Griffin had suspected things, mainly after he secretly watched me do a hundred crunches at a time before crawling to the scale, forcing myself to hurl into the toilet, and then back to crunches again. I repeated this process until I had nothing left in me. 

That was my after-dinner routine for the weeks following after my dads death, and after my lay-in-bed-doing-absolutely-nothing-and-not-eating depression. 

He never confronted me about it, but we both knew. He knew what was going on, and he left. We both wanted to get past this time in our lives when we were depressed and didn't know what to do with ourselves. 

He ended up moving to California for college and we both began social media at the same time. Once he was gone, I decided to change too. I started eating, little by little. I saved myself. 

But that isn't what's happening right now. Now, I'm just dieting. 

That's something I'm worried about though, Griffin thinking that I'm falling into old habits again and telling Anthony.

I'm not. 

It's just a diet. 

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20 miles and four hours later, I arrived back at Anthony's house feeling unusually lightheaded. (AN, I googled the average time to run 20 miles btw and it was three and a half hours) 

I walked into his living and found all of them making tik toks. They didn't even notice me walk in. 

I could feel myself getting tunnel vision and losing my breath, but didn't want to say anything. 

My stomach felt like it was turning itself inside out, I was losing vision and my head was pounding. 

"Anthony, somebody, I don't feel good...." It came out as nearly a whisper before I felt myself falling. 

Jaden's POV

"Ashley has been gone for quite awhile, should we be worried?" I asked Anthony, who was intensely playing Mario Kart with Bryce and Tayler. When she first lied about us going out to eat earlier, I knew something was up. I've been worrying about her ever since.

"No," he said. "She always goes on runs, I think she just really enjoys it." He shrugged it off as if this was nothing. 

"Okay, well she has been gone for almost three hours. Even people who enjoy running don't run for that long," I tried to explain to him. He just shrugged again. 

"Whatever, she's fine. Hey, you guys wanna make a tiktk?" We all agreed and tried learning the dance to 'Savage', but it takes us all a long time to process choreography. 

An hour later we were finally filming it. Griffin, Anthony, and I were recording one while Tayler, Bryce, and Josh were also doing it. 

"Anthony, somebody, I don't feel good..." I heard it faintly, and turned around as I  saw Ashley falling to the floor. 

I ran over to her and barely caught her on time. 

All of the guys soon processed what just happened and hovered over her body that lay limp in my arms. 

She was out for at least a minute before she woke up. 

"Oh my God, Ashley what happened?" Anthony asked, panicked. He took her out of my arms, wrapping his own around her. 

"Oh, nothing. I'm fine, just tired I guess," She laughed it off like nothing was wrong. 

Something serious was wrong. 

"Ashley, people don't go unconscious when they're tired. Maybe we should take you in," Josh suggested.

"NO! I mean, no. That won't be necessary. I'm probably just dehydrated. I'm gonna get some water, shower and go to bed." She smiled lightly before leaving the room. 

"What just happened?" Tayler and Bryce asked, very confused. 

"She just like to run, she probably pushed herself too hard," Anthony suggested. 

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!" The guys were taken aback by my sudden outburst. "How can you not tell that something is wrong? She just laid unconscious in front of all of us and you shrug it off as if nothing is wrong. That's fucked up, man. She is your girlfriend, and clearly I care about her more than you do." 

"Jaden's right, something is wrong with my sister," Griffin finally spoke, after he's been quiet this entire time. He looked like he knew something, but he just looked down and kept quiet after saying that. 

Anthony looked ashamed, and I almost felt guilty, then I remembered he should feel ashamed. 

"You're right, and I'm sorry, let me go talk to her," 

"Wait, I can talk to her. She's my friend, you're her boyfriend. She will tell me more, and I think I understand what's wrong." Anthony looked skeptical at first, but eventually nodded. 

I made my way upstairs to talk to her. 

Ashley's POV 

After putting on one of Anthony's long shirts after my shower, I heard a knock on the door. 

"Not now Anthony," 

"It's not Anthony." 

Jaden walked in the door and for some reason I felt guilty. I don't know why, maybe it was because he's seeing Mads going through this same thing, and now he's watching me go through it as well. 

He shut the door behind him and sat on Ant's bed; I did the same. 

"How many miles did you run today, honestly?" 

I sighed before truthfully answering. "25..." He let out a breath, and I could see the hurt in is eyes. "Let's not talk about me. Let's talk about you. Have you talked to Mads yet?" 

"Stop changing the subject, and yes I have. She broke up with me," His voice cracked and I pulled him in for a hug, which he gladly returned. 

"Now back to you, why did you lie to Anthony earlier about you eating?" 

"I just wasn't hungry and didn't want him to worry about me, that's all." 

"But you haven't eaten anything today, and that's the real reason you passed out." He said as a statement this time, not a question. I immediately turned towards the wall. 

I couldn't even look at him, not right now. Not this vulnerable. 

"If you need to talk, I'm always here. Always," 

"I don't need to talk," I had tears in my eyes as I spoke to him. "And I am fine. I'm not hungry, I'm healthy. I am fine."

I'm fine.

And sure, the feeling of hunger gave me a sense of calm and control, but behind my smile and thinner form, I was miserable.