anorexia//an anthony reeves fanfic

Chapter Eighteen

Ashley's POV
I woke up to Jaden still lying next to me, and I knew I fucked up.
I am with Anthony. I love Jaden, as a best friend. That's all. Last night I couldn't help but dwell on the fact that Anthony has tried to be there for me, but I love him too much that I didn't want to let him know anything was wrong. I need to fix things with the both of them.

"Jaden, wake up." I shook him a few times before he woke up smiling. Oh boy, this will be harder than I thought. "Jaden, we really need to talk."

"Yeah, we do." He replied, and I couldn't tell how he felt.

"This was a mistake, I love you as a friend, but that's all. I need Anthony to know that I do still love him more than I ever thought possible. You've been great to me, and you'll always be my #1 homie, but I love Anthony. And you love Mads, right?" I could tell by his face he was disappointed, but he tried to hide it.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just glad you're okay. I want you to be healthy and happy. And if your happiness comes from being with Anthony, you should be with him."

I gave him a final hug and asked him to leave, and to tell Anthony I want to see him.

Once he left, I reached up to scratch my face and cane to the terrifying realization that I have a feeding tube.

Calories. Weight gain. Fat.

I can't think straight. I'm in the hospital for something that should have been for the better. Now I'm killing myself.

They're gonna make me go to one of the care facilities, I know it. I don't need that! I'm perfectly fine, I'll prove it to them.

I do my best to sit up in bed, but I feel more exhausted and weak than I ever have before.

The calories they're filling you with are probably weighing you down.

Once I sit up, I scoot to the edge of the bed and stand up. With my left hand, I hold on to the metal pole on wheels holding my fluid bags and with my right hand, I stabilize myself on the bed.

With all my strength, I let go of the bed and take one step forward.

Baby steps are still movement.

I take two more, and I'm so close to the door. I attempt to take a fourth, but I lose my balance. I slip and fall directly on my bottom.

I can't help but cry desperately, not from pain, but from humiliation. What have I done to myself?

I don't have the strength to pull myself up, and the last thing I want to do is admit to a nurse I need help.

So I sit there.

I sit on the floor, silently. Weeping over self pity.
I couldn't have been on the floor for more than ten minutes before Anthony walked in, looked ragged as ever.

He had bags under his eyes, messy hair, and looked extremely distraught. When he saw me laying on the floor, he rushed over to help.

"Ashley, what happened?! Are you hurt? Let me help you up."
I grabbed onto him for strength as he pulled me up to my feet, picked me up, and laid me back into the depressing hospital bed.

"I'm okay, thank you." I told Anthony sincerely as he looked guiltily into my eyes. "But we need to talk." His face dropped. "Nothing bad, I promise. I want to apologize. I am so so sorry for pushing you away. You were trying to be there for me but I was too embarrassed to ask for help or confide in you. I've been sick for awhile, and this isn't your fault. Jaden said you feel guilty, but you shouldn't. I have felt this way long before I met you. And I love you, Anthony Reeves. I love you with absolutely with everything in me. It hurts me how much I love you."

Without saying a word, Ant leaned down and kissed me with passion. With lust. With love.

"I love you more than you can imagine, and I will be here for you every step of the way. No matter what you're going through, I will never judge you. Your health, and your happiness means the absolute world to me."