Waiting

30 Minutes

"Thea Logan?" Said a nurse stood at the door. "Sorry, may I have a word?"

I felt my stomach drop like a tonne of bricks. My hands trembled and my insides danced harshly. Everything told me to stay at my brother’s bed side. My heart told me what I was about to hear would crush my soul into nothing, to the point it was just existing. But I had to hear what she had to say.

"Yeah" I said briskly, wiping the unwelcome tears from my eyes. "What is it?" I asked politely, gently shutting the door behind me. I didn’t want our conversation to disturb his slumber.

"Yesterday, after you left we carried out some tests –just procedure- to check how his condition is… progressing" The nurse explained, how I wished she would stop. I didn’t want to know what she was about to say. Why wouldn’t she stop? The nurse’s face became overwhelmed with pity. Maybe it was regret?

"I’m sorry, Miss Logan. The results aren’t good. The cancer has spread much faster than our doctors were able to predict. Last week the cancer was only attacking the kidneys but…" The nurse carried on talking, but I was no longer listening.

I felt cold. The blood that ran through my body felt like piercing icicles threatening to slice my veins. I felt my chest tighten, the air around me stolen by an invisible source, choking me, it’s grasp held my breath with a vice-like strength.

The sound of my brother’s cry brought me back to reality. It was not the time for me to break down, Oliver had a matter of days and I was feeling sorry for myself? I would have plenty of time to grieve when he… but I couldn’t think about that. At that moment, I needed to be strong.

"I’m here, Ollie! I’m here. I’m sorry." I spoke softly stroking his head soothingly.

"You left me. You said you wouldn’t leave me!" Oliver said through his cries. His sounds were soft and desperate.

"I only went to the bathroom. I came back, like I always do" I showed a rueful smile as I lied. I didn’t want him to fear the fate that was slowly creeping up on him. Ignorance is bliss.

Oliver’s subtle crying came to a stop as he drifted from consciousness; his eyes became sheets of lead, taking all his strength to hold them open. He surrendered his body too weak to fight much more. I watched him drift in and out of consciousness for 23 minutes. Each time he awoke, I feared it would be the last.

But that moment came quicker than I had hoped, the last time I would ever see his innocent blue eyes looking at me with admiration, as he always did.