Everyone is awake and in the kitchen by the time I wake up. I don't even try to hide my puffy pink rimed eyes. I've been crying, and I know if I see Jospeh happily sitting there I will start crying. I keep repeating everything I saw, him bleeding and falling to the floor. My screams over and over again.
Everyone seems busy. Sawyer is at the stove cooking. He doesn't notice me tiptoe in. Jospeh and Evan are both sitting reading a newspaper. Avery is reading a magazine, so I try not to draw much attention to myself. I head to the toaster and make myself toast.
"Hey, Opal. Mind getting me the milk carton?" Jospeh asks. My heart sinks, I don't want to forget the sound of his voice. I turn around, he's already smiling at me.
Sawyer turns to me and sees I'm still standing there staring at Jospeh.
"I'll get it." Sawyer eyes me, pleading for me to act normal. Which I don't think I can do. Sawyer grabs the milk and hands it to Jospeh. Jospeh looks confused before he pours the milk and goes back to reading.
I breathe out and Sawyer walks over to me.
"I made you breakfast." Sawyer says. I don't bother looking at him and right on time my toast pops up, I take it and walk off.
I don't think I can deal with anyone today. I need to be alone, come up with a plan. Do something.
I barely take a bite of my toast and I let it sit on the corner of my bed.
I can't sit still. I feel uneasy, I'm just sitting here looking at the ceiling, I feel like my heart is being squeezed by a tight grip. Something is wrong and there's something heavy in the pit of my stomach and then tears. I sob into my pillows trying to calm myself down.
I hear someone clear their through and I quickly wipe my tears. When I see it's just Sawyer standing there, he looks ready to go to some fancy dinner party.
"How long have you been standing there?" I question.
"You have to eat more than just a stupid piece of toast." Sawyer hands me a plate of homemade hash browns, scrambled eggs and sausage. It looks good, I have to admit but I'm not hungry.
I push the plate away.
"Don't make me sit here and wait until you're done eating." Sawyer warns and I sigh out.
Sawyer stays quiet, I know he won't bring up Jospeh.
"I can't even look at you." I whisper, staring at the plate of food that is sitting on my lap.
Sawyer doesn't say anything, but I feel the intensity of him staring at me.
"You could have told me." I tell him.
"Why? So you could behave the same you are now? Because I know damn well you would not be okay with any of this if I told you before." He snaps and I glare at him.
"Just leave me alone." I get up to get as far away from him, but I still have a bit of argument in me. "You have no idea." I turn to point at him, and I pause to pull myself together before I speak. "You have no idea how hard it is to see the face of someone that you know won't live to grow old." I pause again, wiping my tears. He pulls me closer, almost like I'm a small child being reprimanded,
"But you know what's fucking harder?" He counters, just as angry. I stare at him, both of us hurting but unable to handle the pain.
"Seeing someone you love and letting them live their life without so much as a worry. And I swear to God if you ruin that for him..."
"I won't." I cut in, pulling myself out of his grip. "I can't believe you dragged me into this. All of this." I slam my door behind me, leaving him standing alone in my room. I need to distract myself. I head to Avery's room, she jumps in surprise as I just barge in.
