I cling to Sawyers neck so I won't fall as he carries me, and I kiss him back with the same eagerness. My legs stay wrapped around him as he lies me gently down. He hovers over me staring at me before leaning in to softly kiss me. The moment his body comes into contact with mine my stomach flutters.
It's weird to think that this moment is happening and I'm happy it is. Moments like these are too good to be true. I know it won't last and once we wake up tomorrow Sawyer will continue to ignore my presence, as if I really don't exist. He fixes me beneath him and he chuckles at my awkwardness.
He continues to stare at me and part of my brain comes back to life and I feel myself getting nervous. My mind is now racing and I don't know how far Sawyer is going to take this. I don't want to do something I regret or something stupid.
Sawyer notices my grimacing face and how uncomfortable I'm feeling.
He tilts his head to the side like a confused puppy and raises an eyebrow, "Whats wrong?" He questions. He brings his hand up to move the small curls of hair out of my face, before his fingers softly trace over my eyes and they travel down under my chin. Immediately my eyes shut, taking in Sawyers gentle touch.
I shake my head unable to speak. I am not about to confess this is my first time.
"I'm scared..." I whisper.
Sawyer leans into the crook of my neck, "Why?" He whispers, his hot breath warming me, as he plants small kisses.
I don't answer his question, instead I press both my hands against his chest softly, this time he instinctively closes his eyes. My fingers are now tracing the arches of his chest and I trace each tattoo he has down to his stomach. I admire the abstract shapes all along side his ribs and his eyes flutter at my touch.
"You're so beautiful." Sawyer smiles, I feel my cheeks flush.
How can he look so calm? His face says calm but the way his chest is rapidly moving up and down tells me otherwise. I feel his heart beating under my palms.
Knowing that he's just as nervous brings this overwhelming feeling I can't control and I slowly bring my hand down and trace my fingers along the waistband of his boxers.
Sawyer shoots his eyes open and he seems nervous. I've never seen Sawyer nervous, he's always so composed and confident.
For a moment the nervousness remains but as I give him a quizzical look he smiles, mischievously. He slowly moves his hand behind my back and unhooks my bra.
He quickly unbuttons his pants and sensually lowers mine all while showering my stomach with small kisses. I try closing my eyes and relaxing but I'm just screaming first timer.
"You're overthinking." Sawyer says and I nod. I know I am. "It's okay." He smiles into our kiss. His words somehow make my fears disappear and all my thoughts that were trying to stop me from doing this with him are now gone.
I don't have time to think about anything when I feel Sawyer, really feel him. It's a foreign, and unpleasant feeling. It hurts.
"Is it okay?" Sawyer questions. I keep my eyes closed and move my hips a little as I try to reduce the pain and pressure.
I can't bring myself to say anything and just nod, my eyes remain closed.
"You sure?" He whispers.
"Mhm." I tell him and move again. He moans from my small movements and he apologizes giving me time to adjust to this new feeling. The more I move the less discomfort I feel. Sawyer wraps his arms around my back, he pulls me in close as he moves to meet my hips. The feeling is much better, him holding me as he slowly makes love to me.
