Jaguar's Crow ( KageHina)

Instability of Mind

Hinata's POV
Lying on my back, I stared up at my setter as he hovered over me, my eyes half lidded, my breathing heavy, my lips tingling and my cheeks hot. I- I wanted to do it again. Without even thinking I gripped his collar and pulled him back down again, slamming my lips onto his again, roughly moving my lips over his in a sloppy fashion as I felt his fingers grip my wrist. It was a perfect kiss until he suddenly flashed in my mind again with a grip around my wrist as he slammed me into the bed and forced me to submit to his torture. My eyes snapped open and I practically threw Kageyama off me as I sat up and leaned against the wall hugging my knees and trembling on the verge of crying again.

Kageyama's POV
I was shocked at the strength Hinata had when he pushed me off. But it also confused me as to why he did it. He was the one who pulled me into it...
I looked at him as he sat in a trembling ball at the bottom of my bed on the verge of tears. I'm guessing it had something to do with him trembling and crying in his sleep. A past trauma maybe?

Hesitantly I spoke up: " Hey Hinata?.... Is something wrong?" I reached out and gently placed my hand on his shoulder but he suddenly flinched at the touch. He nodded his head at my question.
"Do you wanna talk about it? I- I wanna help you..." I confessed removing my hand.

He looked up to me, his eyes full of unspilt tears as he uncurled himself and took a deep breath. I had to be patient. It's difficult but I'm sure it's much harder for him to confess whatever it is that's causing him night terrors.

"W-when I was younger...." his voice was quiet and timid as he began. "I had a pretty traumatic childhood... m-my father was an alcoholic... and he used to beat my mother a lot before my sister was born...." I could sense the horror in his voice and I could see the fear he was drowning in in his eyes.

"But I think... I had it worse... You see... he used to abuse me too... but it wasn't the same way he would to my mother.... he- he used to drag me to his bedroom.... and he'd often r-r-rape me... I... I was only six... My mother was pregnant with my sister at the time this started happening... Every time I'd try to retaliate, he'd practically strangle me...." it was obvious he was starting to lose his calmness as his breath began to get shallower, the tears now slowly spilling from his eyes.

I stayed silent, giving him to to relax again before he continued.
"It carried on for two years... He stopped beating my mother when my sister was born... and instead focused his attention on me. He was insistent on making my life a living hell I'm sure... There was one point he ch-chained me to my bed for a weekend...." he started fidgeting as he rubbed his wrists and started scratching at them. I reached out and took his hand softly, stopping him from hurting himself further as he continued.

"Eventually I'd had enough and was confident to call the police on him.... They arrested him and I was put under intense therapy for a further two years... I'd gotten rid of the nightmares by the time I got my companion at age eleven. But last week I saw... I saw that he'd somehow managed to escape from prison with the help of his Black Mamba - Chudoku. They weren't very well bonded and she often remained a tattoo, but whilst in jail they've obviously bonded and had figured out a plan of attack..."

My eyes widened at the facts. How could someone who's experienced this give such a bubbly outward appearance all day?! It was just unfair.

"H-hearing that news... t-triggered the nightmares again... every night I'd have to face them a-alone because I was too afraid to let my mother know.... she's struggling enough as it is... a-and the night I spent here... I- I guess I ran because I was certain you'd ask question and I- I wasn't ready to tell anyone until now...."
His tears were now streaming down his cheeks as he squeezed my hand tightly. I pulled him closer and lay him on top of me as he cried, me soothingly stroking  his orange locks to calm him down as he shook with tears.
"Don't worry Shoyou. I'll always be here to protect you,m and stop your terrors. If he finds you I'll do what I can to protect you - even if it means a fight to the death." I as genuine when I spoke and it was a promise I was determined to keep.

He suddenly froze and looked up at me with wide eyes. "I can't let you do that! It's my fight and I can't risk dragging you into this any more than I already have. I love you too much to lose you!" I don't think he'd realised what he'd said when his eyes widened more and he slapped a hand over his mouth.
I was shocked he was so protective, but I've already sworn to him my life and he's not beating me at that.
"It's too late now Shoyou. I love you too much and I'm not having you experience that torture again. I'll survive for you because you've always been the person to keep me going." I admitted looking back into his eyes that were shiny from his tears reflecting the moon light.

He smiled weakly. "Thank you Tobio." He suddenly yawned and I only now just noticed how tired he looked. He had huge bags under his eyes, and his eyelids were practically shut as he looked back at me. Gently pecking his cheek I lay his head back down on my chest.
"Sleep now okay Shoyou. You're mentally and physically exhausted. I'll protect you don't worry."

He hummed tiredly in response as his breathing eased out before slowly falling asleep in my arms.

Shinryaku and Itazura suddenly appeared at the door. Using my free hand I patted the space next to me for Shinryaku. She padded over and leapt up as she lay curled beside me, her head resting on my legs. Itazura flew over and gently nestled herself on Hinata's free shoulder, getting comfortable. Whilst I was extremely warm I was happy. Exhaustion finally swept over me as Hinata's scent kept drifting into my nose every time I breathed in making my head spin in a good way as I quickly drifted to sleep myself, for once enjoying the company I had.