⚠️WARNING: SELF HARM, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, KIND OF GROTESQUE⚠️
Bakugou steps outside the dorm with a blank expression, body language relaxed as if nothing is wrong.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Inside, Bakugou's emotions run rampant, tearing at him and making him feel as if his heart and brain are being ripped to shreds from the sheer accumulation of pain, sadness, anxiety, and fear. He can't hold it all inside him. The cage he built for the emotions has been blasted open. All Bakugou can think to do is one thing.
So he goes towards the large patch of dense trees that he knows so well. Walking into the area, he knows that nobody will see him. The sun is almost completely blocked by the trees, only some small strands of light making their way to the ground and illuminate his path. Bakugou walks into the trees for several minutes until he finds a small clearing, a clearing he has come to quite often, and sits at the base of the largest tree's trunk. It is a beautiful tree, magnificent in its high, and its base is large and has an section that weaves into an almost shelter-like shape, as if it is hugging whoever sits there. This is the spot Bakugou always comes to when he feels how he does now: overwhelmed by his mass of negative emotions. He runs a hand along the thick bark of the tree, seeing burn marks spattered across it.
Bakugou lets out a sigh, slumping back, and allows his tears to finally leak from his eyes. Their speed quickens as he thinks about himself. His life. How he is. What he is. M****a is right, isn't he? Is Bakugou disgusting? Is it gross that he moved during the night to hug Kirishima? Is it wrong that he loves Kirishima? "Hah," Bakugou scoffs, disgust, defeat, and exhaustion in his voice as his face reflects his feeling of defeat. "I'm disgusting."
He looks up with wet eyes at the sky. It's cloudy out. Well, look at that. The universe hates him too. Won't even give him some sunlight when he wants it, covering the sky in clouds. He just wants a little bit of light. Like Kirishima's bright smile.
A small smile comes onto Bakugou's face as he thinks of the redhead. A small, sad smile. A sob wrenches it's way from his throat and he pulls his knees to his chest, holding his arms around the legs. Why can't he be normal? Kirishima apparently thinks he is, but he isn't. He likes his best friend. A guy. At least Kirishima thinks he's normal. That's what he said, at least. But... what if he finds out? What would he do? He would probably never talk to Bakugou again, wouldn't he? Yeah. There's no way he would accept him. He would hate him. He'd be disgusted.
He wouldn't even want to be his friend anymore.
Bakugou feels his chest clenching as it becomes more difficult to breathe. "F-fuck," he cries out, voice thick with emotion. He lifts his shaking hands and tremulously rolls up the baggy pants of one leg. He observes the many scars he has accumulated on his pale thighs, altogether making a colorful array of hideous reds and purples. The teary red eyes look for a spot that is not covered too badly in the odd coloration and Bakugou lifts a hand, looking at his palm for a moment, sniffling, before laying it on the skin.
Boom
Bakugou gasps at the first explosion, head flying back, slamming into the tree, and he feels a wetness trickle down his scalp. He ignores it.
Boom
He deserves this, anyway. He is fucking disgusting.
Boom
Nobody would accept him if they knew he was... like that...
Boom
Heroes wouldn't even want to have him as a sidekick!
Boom
Nobody would want him.
Boom
Least of all Kirishima.
Boom
Such a beautiful person should not need to deal with such a pain as Bakugou.
Boom
The image of Kirishima's beautiful red eyes, hair, and strong build filter into Bakugou's mind and he chokes on the air through his tears.
Boom
He would never see that beautiful smile again if he found out.
Boom
He would abandon him, and he would be right to.
Boom
Maybe Kirishima will just act like Bakugou's mom? It will hurt more, but he could still be the cause of some of those smiles when he takes away his pain.
Boom
No. Kirishima wouldn't. He wouldn't want to touch him in any way. He'll be too disgusted.
Boom
So... why not just never deal with it all again?
Why not keep the choice to himself?
Why not prevent them from finding out?
Bakugou lets his leg flop uselessly to the ground, numb and covered in grotesquely burnt skin and a flood of blood as it lets off the terrible stench of burnt flesh. With his crimson eyes, filled with so much fear, anxiety, and, most of all, pure sadness, Bakugou looks dazedly at his hand again. He rests it, palm up, on his other leg as he observes it.
The once clean extension of himself—the special part of him that allows him to use his quirk—is now covered in his own blood, which drips onto the pants on his other leg and is splattered on the rest of his arm, coloring him in red. The hand almost feels detached, no longer shaking like the rest of his body, like it doesn't even belong to him.
The view of the hand becomes fuzzy from the tears filling and cascading from Bakugou's eyes as his breaths come quickly and shallowly. He looks upwards again. At least he can't really see the clouds anymore, with such fuzzy vision. He chuckles dejectedly. It's almost the same as the blank blue color of a clear sky.
A good enough time as any to free himself.
A good enough time as any to prevent himself from having to deal with a world without the boy he loves...
A world where the boy he loves hates him.
Still peering up at the sky that is barely visible to him as he slumps against the tree he has come to for some inkling of support for so long, Bakugou lifts his bloodied hand and places it slowly on the front of his delicate neck.
He takes one final breath, allowing the slightly chilled air to leave his lungs for the last time as he remembers Kirishima's bright, happy smile. A smile he wants to always remember and to never lose.
He will never have the chance to lose it, now.
Boom
His palm ignites with a large explosion and Bakugou slumps against the tree, hand falling from his neck.
———————————————
.....sorry? ......Um.....
Oops? I was originally just gonna do some self harm in this chapter then was like "hey, let's go full send! Why not?" 😅
-Angry
Word Count: 1134
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