Save the Date

Until You're Mine

As he walked to Alex's house, he could swear his chest hurt even more than the last time they'd spoken, but to be fair, they'd more like heatedly argued. Every step he took in Alex's direction was filled with recollections from that particular somber day and the tears they both had spilled over each other.

"Why are ya doin' this to me? To us? Miles...no please!"

After this morning phone call, nothing made sense to Miles anymore, he'd given up Alex for a baby, and now the fact that his baby potentially wasn't going to be healthy was sinking in like a heavy tank misplaced in the pacific ocean. Was he being punished? Was that all about?

"Aly...try to understand it, I'm married, and I've always wanted to be a father. It's only a natural step."

Tanks...

Funny how our minds would make connections, linking our thoughts in a net of neurones, sending stimuli to our nerves, making us crave something or someone.Suddenly he was right there again, he felt the freezing cold day in the Russian capital touching his skin. Miles nearly shook his head chuckling through the tears. They didn't want to be known as "the tank band". That would be disgraceful, wouldn't it?Their early days, making music, recording videos, making out whilst drizzled in wine all came back like a movie. Miles had been so hopeful and happy back then, everything had been promising, new and exciting. But now, so many years later, it all seemed so feeble, intangible. He had no Alex, no healthy baby, and somehow not even the thought of having Alan was giving him any reassurance.

"Only natural? Yeah, naturally ya're choosin' to give this up. 'm nowt to ya! Nowt!"

Whenever something bad would happen we'd know instinctively who to seek, wouldn't we? Who would come first in our minds during a moment of crisis? Who would we hold impossibly close if it was the end of the world? Miles knew that the most morally correct answer was 'husband', but his heart had other plans, and Miles was a weak fool for it.As he got closer and closer to Alex's house he got struck by fear. Alex had every right to ignore him and to be angry at him.

"Don't think we'll remain friends Miles! Don't call me, don't text me and definitely don't show up at me door."

Not that Miles needed a reminder of his current situation to crumble, he'd been crying a lot since he'd left Alex, even with the exhilaration that came with the baby, but Alex's words flashing his brain made him break once more.

Don't show up at me door 

Don't show up at me door 

Don't show up at me door 

And here he was, doing exactly that.

Miles was willing to have his heart broken though, but with one condition, if there was a small chance that his heart would instead be consoled. He admitted to himself that the only person in the world that had that power right now was a certain Northern.Was he even home? Maybe he wasn't in London at all, but how Miles wished he was.In front of Alex's house his face was red and swelled from all the crying, still he didn't care for it and knocked on the door anyway, surely sounding more desperate than anticipated. A few minutes had passed and no one had come to answer the door. Miles knocked one more time, the house had its curtains drawn, someone was definitely inside.When the door was open, Miles didn't leave any time for Alex to get angry, nor process the scene for that matter.

"What 'appened?" He asked with Miles already throwing himself into his arms to cry on his shoulder, sobbing and lamenting. 

"Mi...ya're scaring me, what's going on?" Alex held him, he didn't fight, he surrendered immediately. Miles was surprised, but relieved to no end, Alex's embrace had always been his best place to be.