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The Afternoon's Hat

"You overdosed?! You overdosed...like for real?! 'ow...eh...When...Why?? 'ow could you 'ave kept this from me? All this time, I can't believe Miles. Why 'aven't ya been more careful?" Alex paced on the living room not knowing what to feel - pain? frustration? relief?.

Miles looked down at the floor and then up into Alex's eyes and wordless it was clear what he meant.

Alex closed his eyes taking the information in, opening them with a tight sigh. "You did it on purpose, 'aven't ya?" He took a deep breath and shook his head as Miles nodded bashfully. "Why? Do you even realise 'ow devastated I'd be if anything had 'appened to ya?" He stepped closer to Miles, and with his hands flying to his nape brought him for a kiss. He pulled away and stroked his cheeks gently. "I can't believe I've nearly lost ya forever..." He murmured gazing into his big hazel eyes and pulled him for a hug, squeezing him tightly. "Why?" He whispered as new tears surfaced to his lids.

A life without Miles would be unfathomable, torturous and infuriating, perhaps the end of everything for Alex.

"I don't really wanna say it...please..." Miles tucked his face in the crook of Alex's neck and shakily inhaled, seemingly to calm himself down.

"I won't drop it, so you better tell me this second Miles!" Alex heard sniffing coming from him, but Miles just turned his face away and walked to the couch.

"Okay, but we better sit down for this." They both took a seat and Alex waited, gliding a hand to squeeze Miles'. Miles looked sideways at Alex, quickly withdrawing his gaze. "Eh...It were after your last album...Al..." It sounded like the beginning of a confession, one that clearly Alex would dislike. He squinted his eyes waiting for Miles to start talking, cocking an eyebrow and somehow already knitting the web and connecting the dots. Miles stared at him dismally, cleaning his throat before proceeding. "I don't wanna see your smug face since the admiration has withered like forget-me-nots on scorching days. I can't bring myself to be sad, not even now that I loathe you I think I should be that. Forget-me-not to Forget-me-yes. I should be crying. Forget-me-yes. But can't feel a thing. Forget-me-yes." He recited the lyrics to a very familiar song to Alex.

"No!" Alex said skeptically. "Ya know that's not about you." He gestured with his hands in sign of protest, he couldn't believe Miles could ever think that song was about him.

"I didn't. I just..." He shook his head and tears started rolling down his cheekbones. "I just wanted the pain to stop." The sobbing began echoing the room and Alex couldn't take the sight without caving in to the crying himself. "And for many hours I didn't feel a thing, I was completely gone. It was like...it was like I'd ceased to exist."

"I'm so sorry." He said hugging Miles. "The song is about meself, I'd never, ever write summat so cruel 'bout ya babeh, ever. Ya've always been me beautiful love, me precious love...I love ya so much, please believe me." Miles clung to Alex's arms like if he was this anchor of oxygen, grounding him to earth.

"I know now, but I didn't back then. Yar voice had never sound so gloomy until that very day."

Was the release day? No...It couldn't be.

"What was the exact day Mi?" Alex wiped the tears off Miles' face. "I need to know the exact day." He insisted.

"The release day Al. I wasn't able to cope any longer. It was the last nail to me coffin." Miles brought Alex to his lap and wrapped his arms around his waist, bringing him closer to his body, resting his head on his chest.

"I knew it...I knew something was off, I woke up feeling sick that day, and the day had dragged, and I felt my heart clutching more than usual. I'd got a feeling I couldn't shake off."