IDEAS

I fell in love with the idea of being in love.

You know how the wings of the butterflies flutter inside your stomach?

And how your heart thunders beneath your chest?

How your entire being is sensitized by the blood rushing through your veins?

And all of a sudden you feel so alive.

In a single snap you see the used to be dull things in full color,

And you start to worry about trivial things.

Do I smell nice? Is my perfume too sweet? Too strong?

Should I start wearing jeans? Or should I wear my red dress?

How does my hair look like? Am I pretty enough to catch my love interest's eyes?

You see, I fell in love!

I fell in love with a girl who fed my wanderlust.

We walked by the beach, under the covers of stars and moon,

With the crashing waves playing its tune.

She wrote me songs and took me in a world filled with romance and adventure,

Like in movies, in books, and in the songs sung by the romantics.

And her kiss? Oh her kiss!

It was nothing like the books talked about.

It was sweeter than sweets,

Better than melted chocolate and caramel,

Nothing like any kind of spices combined in the world,

She was an explosion of flavor,

Like nothing I've ever tasted.

And yes, I fell so hard like a lovesick fool,

And I believed her,

I believed her when she said, "You're worth the change."

"You are worth the change because you're a beautiful girl with a beautiful heart, and my life wouldn't be the same without you."

But you know how people say things they only mean at certain moments?

Sucks doesn't it?

It's like all the butterflies in your stomach, shed their wings and died.

One moment you're on top of the world, declaring, "Love wins!"

The next moment you're pushed from the ledge,

And you find yourself drowning in the middle of the raging sea,

The waves that played its tune,

Yes, the exact same waves that played its tune,

Crashes over you with no mercy,

The current pulling you deeper into its depths,

And you're left flailing as you drown with nothing to hold,

You scream for help,

You scream for help,

You scream for help but water gushes into your mouth and into your lungs,

It's hard to breathe, it burns!

It hurts.

And you thought you'd die of pain, but you don't.

You just live each day with a giant fist crushing your chest.

That's how it felt like when she gave me up,

That's how it felt like when I chose to walk away.

That conflicting feeling of wanting to hold on but you have to let go.

I fell in love with the idea of being in love,

The idea that someday someone would fill the gaps between the fingers of your hands,

The idea of walking down the aisle and growing old with the person who lit up your whole world,

The idea of having someone who knows your dreams and deepest desires.

But we all live in a world where the word love has been so overused, without weighing its gravity.

Funny how a single word contain so much weight.

But I'll be content with the idea that she's genuinely happy with someone else,

I'll be fine in asking God to keep loving her for me,

I'll be okay remembering those short blissful moments,

While she makes new memories with a girl who's not me.

And one day, all the love I gave will come back,

Then I'd love again like I've never been hurt,

And everything will be worth the pain,

With the right person,

At the right time.