unwanted. That is what I am if Im even anything at all. My sisters dont even like me, I mean they used to, but now Im the black sheep, the outcast, the unwanted child. Last night while on a drive with my sisters, I felt like an outsider, I dont belong here, Im not wanted here. My older sister told my little sister to sock me in the face, funny right? I know I need to leave but I need the money to do that. Im going to get the money for it. It hurts you know? Knowing that you honestly mean nothing to your family. I know Im useless around here, I know I could never meet ends meet with them. I cant relate to them, I dont understand the inside joke, but maybe Im just the joke. My family talks about me when Im in my room, they think I cant hear them, but I can and I wish to shut it out. I want to scream at them, asking why me? Why did you choose me to pick on? Do you find me weak? Am I just nothing to you people? But I cant, they would never listen to what I have to say, theyd tell me to shut up before I can even utter one syllable. I will never be good enough for this family, I am the disappointment child. The love of my life wants me to move in with him, I would love to move in with him. He tells me he will show my love that I deserve, that I am loved, that I am important, and most importantly, show me that I am wanted and that my family doesnt deserve my love; my kindness. Over the years Ive dealt with these people, I remember at times when C.A.S were involved many times. I remember one of those times I was the one who told them what was happening because I was so scared, and when they found out, I was ignored, none of them talked to me. I was alone. Stayed at a friends house for a week and they didnt even fucking cared, they wanted me gone. Thats where I truly, most utterly felt unwanted.
