*A little warning this has some pretty hard stuff.*
control. I cant seem to grasp control of how I'm doing, Im losing my focus, and I cant seem to bring myself to a good mood. I cant push myself to do something, my facade is slowly grumbling, and I dont know what to do. Im losing control, and I cant tell anyone. I mean who would be willing to listen? Id be a bother and I really dont want to be a bother anymore, I feel so trapped, I feel so alone, and no one even knows. I just want to disappear. Im fighting it hard to breathe, I feel like Im drowning. Im screaming for help but no one can hear, no one can see me. Someone please help me, I dont know what to do anymore, I dont know how to live anymore. Please, just please help me. I cant do this anymore. I cant sleep, I have too many thoughts. I cant eat, everything has no taste, I dont even feel hungry anymore. My dad, I cant stand to be near him anymore, not when he is like this; a drunk bastard. I want to get back to cutting, to feel that slight sting of pain, so then I wont feel the ache in heart anymore. I want to cry, like fucking sob till I cant breathe, till I fucking pass out of exhaustion, but I cant. Ill cause a ruckus as my family would say. I just want peace, I just want the sweet sound of silence. I want the voices in my head to shut the fuck up for once, I want everyone in this house to shut the fuck up for once in their life. Im getting out of control, but no one can see it, everything on the inside is complete chaos. I wish I could say Im ok but I honestly cant, I dont know how I feel, all I know is that I dont feel ok. I dont think I ever will. I need to stop pretending that Im alright, because I think its the sole reason that Im losing control of myself but who knows.
