conflicted. Im not really sure what to feel or how to feel. These past two to three months have been terrible, Ive tried killing myself, scaring my mother to death my sister brings it up in arguments, saying I shouldve done it right, or I should go do it again but make sure I get it right. Then he blocks me, so we dont talk for a month or two, but I wished him a happy birthday and now were kinda talking again is it bad that I simply forgive him for that? That I just cave in so easily to him because he is the only person that has ever made me generally happy. I dont want to ruin it again, Im afraid Ill mess up again. Attempting to kill myself, I havent touch any kind of pill since it happened because Im so afraid of something going wrong, I dont want that mental image in my head again but I do need professional help, and I need to move out so I can grow and become happy again. Good news Im not in debt anymore I paid it off, I dont have to worry anymore. I cant even move out anymore because I dont have enough money, spent it on my stupid teeth. I dont feel well.
