OC Stories

shess pomegranate but better written

I stood in front of the mirror, looking at myself as I stood sideways, letting my chemise drape down. The summer had started and it was a surprisingly sunny day, I could feel the sunlight against my back. The thin fabric didn't touch my tummy yet, but the fabric felt closer to me. Taking my hands, I smoothed the fabric across it. Surely enough, there was a small but visible bump forming. 

Although I had been anxious about it for a while, I believed these worries more than ever. I had been feeling so different, now I was beginning to look different. Truthfully, I should have told Cassidy when I began to suspect, but jumping to conclusions could cause him to take hasty action. I wanted to tell myself he would never leave me, but if he turned out to do so, there could've been a possibility I wasn't even pregnant and he was leaving me for no reason. 

But, I was lying to myself, it was painfully obvious that something was different. I couldn't deny it any longer.  Calm yet, I took my corset and snapped the front on, I reached for the lace and began to tighten it. As I got further down, I felt as if my body was as fragile as glass, I feared what it would do if I fully tightened it.

I panicked slightly over this small thing, I was scared of breaking the little life within me. This small child was mine to take care of now and I didn't even know what to do. There was no mother for me to confide my secret in, she wasn't here to tell me what to do. If she was here, maybe I would've known sooner. 

Tearing up already, I shamed myself for being so irresponsible. Not only was it foolish to do what I did that night in February, but even if I was married, having children would be a bad decision in general. People said all my life that I would probably never be a normal woman. My father raised me like a son, I knew little about childbirth. 

The only thing I could bring myself to put on was a wrapper, although I was usually dressed by the morning, I was sobbing.  I sat down on the side of my bed, looking down at my belly, I wiped the tears off of my cheeks. "I'm so sorry, you've become the son of the worst mother on earth," I sniffed, "I will try, I promise, and if I can't do anything else I will love you with all my heart." 

I looked at the clock in the corner of the room, he was definitely up by now. "Hopefully your father will as well," I sighed. I stood up slowly, walking to the door. He stood out in the hallway, looking out the window.

He saw me leave and I noticed a faint smile cross his lips, quickly leaving. His eyes shined, though, you could tell he was in a good mood. He held out his hand to me and I took it, but only lightly. He blinked and smiled again just for a moment, grabbing my hand tightly, leading me into a hold under his arms and against his body.

He was warm, a sunny warm, obviously he was been outside for a while. Leaning my head against him, I smelled the scent of the garden he had to have passed through. I enjoyed what I had now, but as I took a deep breath, I worked to hold back tears that reminded me that I could lose all of this.

"Cassidy," I said, assuring that he knew what I had to say was serious, "I must tell you something urgent, come to my room, I do not want an eavesdropper. " I eyed a nervous servant, who I quickly gave a reassuring smile to tell her she was not the eavesdropper I was referring to. When she smiled at me, I looked up at Cassidy and he let me go.

We walked into my bedroom, I allowed him to enter first, then I shut and locked the door. I could tell, he was nervous.

"Susanne, what is the matter?" He looked at me seriously, not with anger, but with concern and love.

I struggled to find words. This could be the beginning or the end of something, I had to speak wisely. My mouth open to speak, I was unable to face him, I looked down. He walked over to me and gently lifted my head, his eyes were kind and showed care for what I had to say.

"Susanne, my love, please tell me."

I blinked as his hand went back to his side. Taking a shakey breath, I choked out, "I..." But, this word, it was all I could manage before my heart sunk with fear. I gasped and tears streamed down my face as I sobbed.

He saw my need for support, not even knowing why. So, for the first time in quite a while, he embraced me, stroking my hair as my head pressed into his chest. He shushed me and was more affectionate than normal, but I could hear his heart beating quickly as my ear was next to it.

It took a moment for me to regain myself. I sniffed and sighed. The only thing I could do was be honest with him and see how he would take it. That's all I could do.

"Cassidy, I believe I'm pregnant," I whispered into his shoulder with a very drained voice. He didn't say anything at first, but he stepped back and lowered his face to mine. I could've gasped when I saw his face, he had the biggest smile I had ever seen in his entire life.

"Oh, Susanne," he laughed with joy, wiping away my tears and shaking his head. "You are the greatest blessing God has given me and you've just told me you're about to give me someone even greater, how is this so?" The joy in his eyes evoked such a relief in me that I couldn't restrain my held back tears, I began to sob audibly. 

When I covered my eyes, I found his hands were already reaching for my face. He held my cheeks and kissed my tears away.

Between kisses, he comforted me. "Susie..." Another kiss. "You beautiful blessing." Yet another. "Do not weep my lovely thing." And another. "You have brought me such a good life, I promise I'll take care of you as long as I live. I will always be here with you to raise our child, you two are my family. My world." 

"Why are you kissing me?" I gasped, "You are not mad?" 

"No, no, no!" He squeezed me tightly, almost clinging to me. "You have made me the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I do not care for the backlash of the public, you are my family and I will always put you two before everything else."

I let the remaining tears spill onto his coat and I yawned, resting my head on his shoulder. Losing sleep over anxiety, being pregnant, and waking up early is not the best mix. I felt weak and tired. Carefully, doing his best not to squeeze me too hard, I could tell, he shifted me in his arms and carried me to my bed. 

I took off my wrap and halfway-tightened corset and made myself comfortable. He pulled the blankets over me.

As he tucked me in, he asked if I needed anything to be more comfortable. I found this a bit silly, as I was barely visibly showing signs of pregnancy, but I knew he was uneducated in this sort of thing and just wanted to be helpful. Shaking my head, I smiled up at him and thanked him for being so sweet.

He kneeled down next to me, taking my hand softly, he smiled at me once more and I saw his younger self in his face. It comforted me. His eyes moved to my belly and he stared for a moment. 

I knew what he wanted and I also knew he wouldn't ask, he was too cautious. "Would you like to touch it?" I  wasn't sure how to say it, but I knew he knew what I meant. He nodded. "You're welcome to, I don't mind, it's our child. In fact, it'd make me happy."

Hesitantly, he moved to put his hand on my stomach, feeling it gently where it slightly poked out. "How far along do you believe you are?" He whispered, obviously enamored with the unborn child. 

"I believe only two or three months, I'm not sure..." 

He thought for a moment. "Yes, that would make sense, must've been February. Probably the party."

I nodded, but I couldn't help but giggle. "We're so foolish!" I let out a loud laugh, joking, "Oh god, serves us right." I reached a hand out to touch his face, "You'll be such a good father... let's  hope I'm a decent mother."

"You're very hopeful, I'm not sure I will be," he said, "But you'll be more than decent, you... you have such a heart." I hadn't heard him say something like that to me before, so I smiled.

"Can we compromise and both hope we'll be good instead of doubting ourselves?" I suggested.

"I suppose that's fair," he replied. He stared at the small bump for a moment, and then leaned down to kiss it, which absolutely shocked me. That's not to say it didn't make me over the moon happy.

He looked very nervous after he did that."I hope that wasn't strange of me, I just-"

"No, dear, that was beautiful," I said.