ριℓℓσω//Haikyuu!!

25

In classes I find myself thinking over and over how I could've better helped our team to at least advance past the first round.

Every time I think of it, I bring myself down. I can't even focus in school.

I notice Kageyama hasn't taken this easy either.

I've caught him several times looking at the tournament bracket and clenching his jaw along with the paper.

Every now and then I find ways to calm him down, but they never seem to work on me.

I feel so...numb.

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I sat in silence in the back of my class.

It was lunch time but Kageyama hasn't even entered the classroom since I lunch started, which was 5 minutes ago.

I get up and start heading to the vending machines by myself.

I know his loss yesterday may have hurt him, but I don't think I can ever imagine how badly.

The walk to the machine was quiet.

Some parts of me just wanted to turn back around, but again, I really wanted my yogurt drink.

Huh? He's already here?

I see Kageyama deciding what he wants but I sneak over and insert money in for him already.

"On me." I tell him.

Neither of us have exchanged any words today or yesterday.

It's weird.

Not weird because we haven't said anything, but weird because it feels like it's fine.

Everything feels like it's playing out how it should. But, it hurts all too much.

"Uh, thanks." He struggles to get out. While he picks his drink, I start to walk away, rather quickly. "Padema!"

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Practice was cancelled for the girls this week. But, I still found myself going into the gym.

I set up the net and get the balls inside of the basket.

1...2...toss..1..2..3! I jump on my last count and slam my hand against the ball and it goes over the net exactly where I wanted it to.

I repeat that process until I'm out of volleyballs to hit.

This isn't fair. I trained so hard. So endlessly. So dedicated. So certain.

Only for it to end over the simplest thing like a serve or a missed block.

I walk over to the other side and start to retrieve the balls. But, all the memories of our only game kept coming back.

The saves we missed. I could've done better.

"I could've done better!" I shout with all I could.

I spike the ball in my hand as hard as I could at the ball and started running like crazy around the gym.

But, this wasn't enough.

I sprint and sprint, with the feeling of my legs burning and ache, after every step I take.

But I can't stop. I can't stop.

As much as I want to turn around and take it easy, I can't do that. I hate that I can't do that.

I stop running the moment I realize I don't know the exact directions to get where I need to go.

Great, I'm lost.