Harry Potter Imagines

Firewhiskey- Lupin x Phoenix

Warnings: Hmm, let's see, what we got in here? We have some drunk Phoenix (which tbh is really fun to write) some WASTED AF James, Sirius pushing everyone's buttons just for fun, Peter just being an overall prude and about 0.0000002 seconds of angsty Remus.

LET'S DO THIS

also a bit of swearing in this so be warned

"Oh, shut up Wormtail! You're not even coooool!" James slurred, gulping down the drink in his hand.

The Marauders were partying in the fifth year Gryffindor boys dorm after having finished our OWLs- not without Firewhiskey, of course.

We were all in various states of intoxication- James was about two seconds from passing out, Sirius had drunk about as much as James had but could obviously hold his alcohol MUCH better, Peter was too busy sputtering and defending himself to drink much and Remus just clutched his glass, swirling it around yet not drinking it.

And I, sitting next to Remus on his bed, was not completely gone yet, but was certainly following James.

"You're one to talk! You don't even have an animal form! Just some stupid Patronus!" Peter snapped.

"If I might interrupt," I slurred, raising my glass in the air. "The only "cool" ones here are me and Moony." I paused to take another sip. "James, you have an animal Patronus. Big whoop. Peter, you turn into a rat. Rats are ugly. Sirius, you turn into a dog. Bo-ring!"

"You're a bird!"

I shook my head and swallowed the rest of my glass. "Au contraire, Padfoot. I am not just a bird. I can heal people whenever I'm depressed. I'm immune to fire, I'm exotic-" I paused. "Am I immortal?"

"Well, phoenixes are," Remus reminded me.

"Holy shit, I'm immortal!" I laughed loudly and reached for the bottle.

"Ok, I think you're done," said Remus, trying to take the bottle from me. I clutched it to my chest and hissed.

"Ooh, kitty's got claws!" Peter applauded.

I scoffed. "I am not a cat. Anyways, as I was saying-" I paused to take another drink- "I'm a phoenix. Phoenixes are cool. Remus is a werewolf. Those- those are fucking awesome!"

"Yeah, maybe if you're not scared of being murdered," Remus sighed.

I looked at him, then down at his still-full glass. "You need to drink. You're being wayyyy too level-headed right now."

He rolled his eyes but still took a sip of his glass.

"So, to conclude, this right here is the 'cool zone,'" I grinned, patting the bed.

"Noooo fair!!! I'm cool!" James yelled drunkenly, climbing off his bed and wobbling over to us. However, his systems had other plans, because he passed out and landed on his face in the middle of the room, snoring loudly.

"James?!" Remus asked, wide eyed.

"Oh dear," said Peter.

"Pfft, he'll be fine!" Sirius shrugged as he attempted to drag James back to his bed.

I was laughing hysterically at the events that had just taken place. I laughed so hard, I fell over into Remus' lap. He laughed and rolled his eyes, running his finger through my hair. "You're a bloody lunatic."

I blinked at him. "Are you speaking Russian, or am I really that drunk?"

Sirius grunted as he managed to get James back into his bed. "Heavier than he looks," he panted out. "You take care of her, 'kay Rem?"

Remus sighed and closed the curtains around his bed.

"What are you doinggggg???" I pouted.

"Okay, you need to go to sleep."

I scoffed. "Excuse me sir, I am not finished with my drink." I raised it to my lips, but he stole it from me and drank it himself.

I gasped. "I can't believe you just did that!"

He sighed and pushed me down on his bed, covering me with the blanket. "Cmon, it's time for bed."

I harrumphed as he slid under the blanket himself. "Will you at least give me cuddles?"

He laughed quietly. "Of course," he murmured, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I smiled and fell asleep.

*Timeskip a few hours later*

I woke up in the middle of the night to Remus asking quite loudly: "DO NARGLES HAVE TEETH?!"

So for those who didn't understand the ending Remus got drunk lol

Edit: I thought I had this published but I didn't for some reason lmao