For the Love of Chittaphon

Episode 1: Loss

Date: March 13, 2019

It had been two years since the love of his life died. Taeyong was the only guy he'd fallen in love with. He had many who chased after him, but Taeyong had won his heart. It still hurt to think about it. Chittaphon sat in the local cafe, sipping on his favorite drink trying to figure out what was next for him. Memories of Taeyong plagued him as he took a sip of the drink. Taeyong had been the only one who understood him. He had taken his time to get to know Chittaphon in ways no one else knew. The pain of seeing your lover take his last breath would never be forgotten. He remembered holding him, telling him he would be okay, that the ambulance was on the way, but it was no use. The amount of blood that poured from the open wound was too great to recover, and by the time the ambulance had arrived, Taeyong's eyes were closed and his breathing had stopped.

He recalled how much he cried, and how much he begged for the angel of death to take him instead. The last words his lover whispered to him were "be happy, be free" yet he held on to him and didn't want to let go. The paramedics had snatched him away. Taeyong's parents forbade him to see Taeyong once they found out about their son's secret lover. It hurt, it hurt in more ways than he dared count. He felt stuck. He felt as if he couldn't overcome the great wall that had been set before him. Taeyong's words played in his head. Be happy. Be free. Why was he still bound and unhappy?

"Ten."

The voice startled him and he looked up to see Lucas sitting down in front of him. Lucas was the resident playboy who everyone knew was good at what he did. His lips alone could make you think sinful thoughts. Chittaphon sighed as he crossed his legs and looked down at the cup of coffee in front of him.

"What's up?"

"Dude, check your phone. I've been calling you like crazy. Glad someone at the company knew where you were," Lucas said shaking his head. "Kun is worried about you."

"Tell him I'm fine, I just needed to clear my head."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

Ten shook his head and turned his attention to his cup of coffee. He hated talking about it because it brought back emotions he thought he'd buried. He was tired of crying. He knew Taeyong wouldn't want him stuck like he was, but he felt utterly stuck. He didn't know what he wanted to do anymore. It was a struggle getting this far. Especially with the canceling of "Baby Don't Stop" which would have been a song both he and Taeyong performed together.

"I'll be fine, really, just give me a few minutes and I'll be ready."

"Alright, I'm here for you bro if you ever need anything," Lucas said standing to his feet and placing a comforting hand on Ten's shoulder. After the exchange of comfort, Ten watched Lucas leave. What was he doing? His friends were there for him, but he was so distant. It had been two years now. He couldn't keep living like this. Standing to his feet, Ten made his way out of the cafe, tossing his cup in the trash.

The air outside was dry, and he quickly put on his mask to keep from getting sick and to keep from being noticed by fans. It served a dual purpose, but even with masks, there was always a chance of being spotted. He moved quickly towards the company building. Label V was walking distance from the cafe. Ten often went there to clear his mind whenever he was having trouble. Only the members knew about his relationship with Taeyong. None outside of the circle knew about it, and everyone kept it under wraps because they didn't want anything to happen to Ten or for Taeyong's name to be tarnished by rude remarks. Someone always had something negative to say, no matter how beautiful something was.

"Ten," Kun said as Ten walked into the practice room. WayV had debuted in January, two months ago and there were plans for a new album to be released. They'd been hard work with everything and wanted to make sure they were in sync when they stepped on stage. "Are you okay?"

"Yea, let's get this over with," Ten said as WinWin moved over to him.

"You sure you're okay?" WinWin asked looking into Ten's eyes.

"Yea, I'm fine, let's do this."

WinWin could never tell him how much he cared. He could never let him know just how much he really liked him. To him, Ten was more than a friend, but how could he ever pursue anything knowing that Ten would reject him? He didn't want to hurt him and he didn't want to get hurt.

"Let's begin."

March 25, 2019

"Ten, Manager-nim thinks it would be a good idea if we all came up with concepts to showcase in videos," Hendery said with a big grin. Ten looked at him and nodded, but continued reading the book he'd picked up at the local bookstore. Hendery sighed, his grin fading as he moved over and sat beside Ten.

"Ten what's going on with you lately? You've been so distant, so lost. You know we're here to help you right? I know ever since Taeyong."

"Don't mention his name," Ten said interrupting Hendery and throwing a warning glare in Hendery's direction.

"Ten you can't keep doing this to yourself. Stop shutting us out. All we want for you is for you to be happy and bright like you used to be."

"Things change."

Hendery sat there for a moment before shaking his head and leaving. As soon as he left, Ten let the tears flow. He clasped his hands over his face and cried. What was he doing? Why was he allowing himself to suffer? He blamed himself for Taeyong's death. If he would've just called the paramedics sooner, or something, anything would have saved Taeyong's life, at least that was what he'd forced himself to believe. WinWin stood outside the doorway watching Ten crumples. He wanted to hold him, to give him the love he wanted, the love he needed, but he knew better. Ten didn't like him in that way, and he never would. He would suffer in silence until Ten was happy, even then his suffering would continue.