For the Love of Chittaphon

Episode 10: What is Love?

Continued.....

"Let go of me Si Cheng," Ten yelled trying to pry himself away from Winwin.

"Just talk to me, please," Winwin said holding Ten's arm so that he couldn't leave.

Ten glared at him, not wanting to talk, but wanting to hide away from it. What was going through Winwin's mind to make him think that he was cheating or would even consider looking at another man? It hurt. It physically hurt and made him sick to his stomach. He could see in Winwin's eyes that he wanted to make this right. Was it too late? Ten calmed down and nodded. Winwin slowly released his arm and sat down on the bed.

"I'm sorry."

"You're going to tell me that you didn't mean to say what you did, that you were reacting because you feel inadequate right?"

Winwin looked at him. He felt an odd feeling. He wanted to fix this but at the same time the way Ten just addressed the issue as if he didn't care, it angered him.

"What are we doing Chittaphon?"

"I am trying to live life, I don't know what you are doing."

"Is there an us?"

"Do you want there to be an us?" Ten said looking down at Winwin, "because if you do you sure as hell have a funny way of showing it. Oh I'm sorry I don't have as much time as I want to have to spend with you, but I would never, ever cheat on you. To even ask me that makes me feel like you don't trust me. So if you don't trust me then what are we doing together?"

"I'm trying to figure this out. I'm tired of not seeing you, of not having time to do anything. I am sick of feeling alone." Winwin said looking up at Ten.

Ten closed his eyes and let his head rest against the wall of Taemin's spare bedroom.

"So you feel alone while you're dating me? None of the time we spend together now or any of the calls mean anything to you right? What do you want me to do, Si Cheng. Tell me what you want me to do."

"I want you to be there Chittaphon."

"When am I not there Si Cheng?" Ten said his voice raised. "I am always there whenever I can be."

"That's the problem. Whenever you need to be there you're not there."

Ten fell silent as if the air had been snatched out of his lungs.

"What do you want to do, Si Cheng," Ten said almost inaudibly, his tone lowered nearly to a whisper.

Winwin could tell this was hurting his boyfriend, but it was hurting him too. He'd thought about it, and maybe they needed time apart to figure things out.

"Maybe we need time apart," Winwin said, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Ten turned to look at him.

"If you want that, then you need to know what that means," Ten said slowly as he wiped the tears that fell. "It's either breakup or we stay together. There's no break, none of that. If you want time apart, to me that means you want to break up. So tell me Si Cheng, what do you want?"

"We need time apart, Chittaphon."

The words hit like a sledgehammer breaking rock. Ten blinked a few times before removing the ring Winwin had bought him for their six month anniversary. Winwin watched as he placed the ring in his hand and closed his fingers around it. Ten exhaled softly before grabbing his bag and leaving.

"Chittaphon," Winwin said as Ten kept walking. He looked down at the ring and felt the tears sting his eyes. His hand formed into a fist that clenched the ring inside. He inhaled, trying to stifle the tears, but they came like a flood. His body shook as he sat there. He needed to get out of Taemin's house. He wanted to break something. He wanted to yell.