Stupid With Love

Disappointments & Losing Grip

Niall P.O.V

“So Niall, why have you come to see me?”

I just kind of stared at my new therapist, not willing to tell him the reason for my visit.

“Your friend Harry told me a little bit, but I’d like to hear you tell me,” he pressed.

“I’m here for Harry. I’m here for Harry,” I repeated, seeing how the words tasted in my mouth. “I’m here because I believe he’s good for me. But then again I thought Liam was good for me, and look how that turned out, I mean look at me now.”

“How about you tell me a little bit about this Liam,” he said.

“If you don’t mind doc, I’d prefer to not talk about him at this moment,” I said. If Liam was brought up, feelings would be brought up and I’ll break down if that happens. I can’t break down again.

“That’s fine; we’ll come to everything in your own time. How about you tell me about Harry? He seems to be a big part of your life,” he said, changing the topic to something safer.

“Well as you should know we’re in a band, at least I think we’re still in a band. Anyway, Harry is amazing. He picked me up out of the hole I was in and stayed with me after the, the ah, incident. Or incidents, there have been a few now,” I trailed off.

“He seems to care for you a great deal,” Dr Wise responded.

“Yeah he does, and I care for him to, but I continue to hurt him,” I replied. I was saying a lot more than I had planned.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked.

“I mean that Harry loves me, but I can’t love him back, I can’t allow myself to feel like that again,” I said.

“Okay, well I feel that I need to know more about what happened a few weeks ago to fully understand your situation. Harry said it was something that happened between you and one of your band mates, Liam wasn’t it?”

Why did he have to ask these questions? I don’t want anyone to know. I couldn’t do this. But somehow when I opened my mouth to say so, everything else came rushing out.

“I fell in love, Doc. I fell in love with Liam, and I thought he loved me too, but it turned out that I was completely wrong. He cheated on me, embarrassed me in front of our fans, broke my hand, and turned me into a shadow of the guy I used to be. The person sitting in front of you isn’t me, but it’s the person I’ve had to become to survive,” I finished, eyes watery.

“Harry, told me about the roof,” he said, simply.

“Of course he did. So did Harry tell you everything? Is there any reason for me to be here at all?” I said, angrily.

“He told me what I needed to know, now it’s up to you to fill in the blanks,” he replied calmly. “Do you think about suicide, Niall?”

He asked it so calmly, I couldn’t believe it.

“I thought about the bigger picture. I thought about the world as a whole and that even though I’m in this massive boy band, I haven’t really made a difference to anything. I thought about people’s lives and if they would be better without me. And yes it just so happens that I thought about this on a rooftop edge, so what?” I said.

“Niall if you had thought of one negative you could have stepped off of the edge. And that would have been suicide,” he answered, writing something in his little black book.

“I did think of many negatives, but that’s when Harry showed up. Harry always showed up,” he continued to write. “What are you writing? I’m not suicidal,” I said, leaning forward in my seat to look.