Rewind And Drown Again

p.iece 5

envy in white
As midnight strikes, you intertwine your hands in my hair, creating an infinite braid. I look up at the stars and everything's okay. I feel at ease. You stand behind me, hovering over me and comforting all of the storms inside me, making them disappear. Moments like these are scarce, which will make me treasure them forever. I will never know if it was already there. Those desires to leave that cottage, to run without looking behind and to disappear into the trees. All I know is that the desire to stand where you actually were, with me, wasn't real. As you continued putting on a show for me to believe, you were carried away. You dreamed and idealized them, the ones who were free. They weren't chained down like you were, didn't have to pretend. It was only matter of time, you convinced yourself. When you would be older, there would be no envy left to be felt, as you would be one of them, like you'd always wanted.

envy in black
As midnight strikes, you intertwine your hands in my hair, creating an infinite braid. I relax my muscles like I wasn't able to before. I know these late night breezes are deceitful, but I can't bring myself to care, not with you by my side. I decide not to think about it, for if there's no proof, it's not there. The moment flies by and we never talk about it again. I continue to grow up. So do you. One day you pack your bags and walk out the door. I don't feel sad, there's nothing much left to change. I stare at the straces your footsteps left for a while, then I move away from the window. I count on you to come back again, to visit once in a while. You never did. My back is pressed against the door as I let my train of thoughts go off the rail. I think about how I wish I could've followed you out of this household that keeps chaining me down, could've walked on stones that weren't carved out already. You're like a free bird prancing in the sky, while I wait for you beneath the ground. I wait for you to come back and tell the tales of how it is out there, to paint the picture of what I will have one day. Those stories never came. I desire to leave this old cottage like you did and dance between the waves that others can't reach. All I have to do is wait. When I will be older, there will be no envy left to be felt, as I will be one of them, like I've always wanted.