DISCIPLINE✔ (DSD SERIES, BOOK THREE)

Safety

Sighing, I hug my knees to my chest, the soapy water splashing around me.

It's finally time... and to say I'm scared is an understatement.

I reach over the tub, grasping the bottle of vodka and take a gulp straight from the bottle. It heats my body making me feel an ounce of lightness and I place the bottle to the ground next to its empty companion, a wine bottle.

I rest my forehead on my knees as tears slip from my eyes and pain clawed at my chest.

Eight years... She has been without him for said time and he had no idea of her... and now after a lot of convincing, they'll meet.

I reach for the bottle again taking a swing before hugging it to my chest and stretching my legs out to as far as they'd go.

I can already see the hurt playing on Dylan's face when he realizes I'd kept it from him. I could tell him now and save my ass from that pain but it'll only set him off... and with the danger we're in multiplied, we can't afford that.

I need to be a big girl and reap the consequences of my actions.

Diana... my little Kiara... my daughter. I've put her through so much over the years... just because I was too scared to stand on my own, to be strong for her even in my most vulnerable time.

She has to act like my sister... my fucking sister! My baby has to be hiding her parentage... She has to be lying because of me. All because I can't own up to my moment of weakness and celebrate the beautiful child I was blessed with.

Christan was right I'm a coward... a bad mother... I'm a horrible person...

I reach for the bottle to take another gulp as tears tumble down my cheeks. I can't seem to find it and my anger with myself intensifies. I finally grab hold of the bottle taking greedy gulps.

"That's all you do Indie!" Christan yells as he looks at me in disappointment.

I sit on the floor of the cellar drinking away my misery.

We were at Diana's first birthday party, celebrating her and everything about her. She'd finally been cleared by the doctors and she didn't need any more surgeries... The hole was small enough not to cause any heart damage and we were thankful.

I had watched my mother hold her, kiss her and introduce her as her daughter. I had watched the people gush and praise Diana's beauty, her sweetness and how well behaved she was. They stated how happy they were that she was finally well... that she didn't suffer from the pain I knew I'd caused for her.

When I had her in my arms, she looked up at me with no recognition... She had smiled though, looking at me with curiosity as she tried to touch my hair and my jewellery. It made me sad that she didn't recognize me yet happy to know that her suffering is over.

Multiple persons, family friends, came up to us moments after gushing about how my sister is so adorable. I'd just nodded going along... I hadn't had the guts to correct them... I said nothing... I'd gone along with the entire thing just because I was still broken on the inside and decided that I couldn't handle the scandal that came with owning my child.

Yes, I was weak, stupid and unworthy of her as my child. I knew it and I'd embraced it.

Everything was going according to plan, everyone was fooled and I was sulking, scolding myself for not being able to be strong for her... Be a mother.

It was not until they were cutting the cake and singing happy birthday that I broke. When Diana looked up all sparkly eyes at my mother and said 'mama'.