DISCIPLINE✔ (DSD SERIES, BOOK THREE)

Forgiveness

I grip the cup in my hand, bringing it to my lips and mentally sigh as the nonalcoholic champagne fizzles in my mouth.

What I would give for some alcohol right now... but I won't. Diana doesn't need to see me like that and I don't need a repeat of what happened at the cabin.

A cool breeze blows against me and I welcome it, it cools the hot night and makes me aware that no matter how numb I am, my body can still feel. I gulp down the liquid in a blink of an eye, throwing another serving from the already halved bottle that two empty bottles lie beside on the tiled patio.

Yeah, I'm despicable.

...What do I gotta do... Should I get water from the moon, is that what I gotta do to make you love me. Make you love me...

Upon dashing out here, I had grabbed my portable radio from the room and decide that music will be my company for tonight.

Ironically, the station was listening to is having a segment dedicated to all the people going through heartbreak and relationship struggles... and here I was singing my heart out...

"When I was young... I never needed anyone..." I sing lowly as All by Myself, the Celine Dion cover plays. "And making love was just for fun... Those days are gone..."

"All by myself!" I croak out, emotions clogging my throat. "Don't wanna be all by myself anymore!"

Placing the drink on the unglazed mosaic tile, I lie on my back my feet still soaking the cool pool water. I sing out for lord knows who long trying to drown out the shouting that's coming from the house.

I pick up the sound of my mother's voice and I sigh. She must've overheard our argument and now like the protective momma bear, she is she's up there chewing out Dylan for his behaviour.

How fantastic... I can't even deal with my problems, my parents have to be stepping in like I'm a child.

"Hello from the other side..." I belt out as I serenade the starry sky.

With my back against the tiles, I reach out towards the sky, tears streaming down my cheeks and the off-key lyrics leaving my mouth. "I must have called a thousand times, to tell you I'm sorry for everything I've done... but when I call you never, seem to be home..."

The champagne may not be alcoholic but it gives me a buzz... One that eggs on my atrocious singing.

"Momma?" Diana calls and I fly into an upright position, whipping my head around to stare at her.

She walks towards me in a white tank top and Sofia the first pyjama pants. The dye in her hair is fading and it has this fuzzy look as it tumbles over her shoulders. She rubs her sleepy blue-green eyes with a pout on her lips and her blue glasses hang on a string around her neck. Whenever Diana doesn't have her contacts on she ensures she has her glasses on her.

Her nearsightedness leaves her almost half-blind and she has been in a few incidents because of it. Nothing extreme though.

"Hey baby," I say as I quickly wiping away the tears on my cheek. "Why are you up so late?"

She stalks towards me not wasting any time as she props herself in my lap and hugs my midriff. I wrap my arms around her in comfort and also to ensure she doesn't slide into the pool in front of her.

"I heard shouting..." she mumbles with a yawn snuggling against me. "I woke up and when I got in the hall Mama was cursing and saying bad words. So, I went to your room but you were gone... then I saw you from the window."

My poor baby. Waking up to a quarrel isn't something a child should be exposed to. Given my parents have disagreements now and again but nothing too serious and they always make up afterward. I'm happy that Diana didn't hear the discussion between me and Dylan was having... Well, it was more of him cursing and me standing there. Pitiful, I know...