DISCIPLINE✔ (DSD SERIES, BOOK THREE)

Regretful(DYLAN)

I'm an asshole.

I'm the biggest asshole on this fucking planet.

Fuck! I groan gripping my hair tightly as I remember the destructive words that fell from my mouth. I messed up and I know it.

How could I have said that to her? Because you're a fucking impulsive asshole, that's why.

Damn, what was I thinking? I wasn't thinking that is the problem. I was angry and I snapped. Yes, some of what I said was on point and warranted but my delivery was despicable.

I am ashamed and frustrated by my actions.

Gripping my hair tighter, I replay the look of hurt and heartbreak on her face after those disgusting words left my mouth and it rips me apart each time. Why did I let my anger get the best of me like that?

It's been ten minutes since Indiana took a tearful exit, slamming the door behind her. Five minutes since I went ballistic, throwing things against the wall, trashing the room. Two minutes since my anger simmered down and the regret set in.

You had no problem opening your legs for me but you couldn't open your mouth and tell me about my daughter!

Shit, she's not going to forgive me. That was a low blow and I know it. You would think years of training of how to be a Capo, to control your anger, to think logically and not rush in things would have paid off and I'd have a handle on my temper.

Yet, I lashed out at her and majority of that anger wasn't even aimed at her. Yes, I was angry at Indiana for not telling me about my child but I was also angry at my fucking sperm donnor and most importantly myself.

I grew up without my parents, given Aunt Christi and Uncle Johnny didn't make me feel left out, but I always longed for that biological parents' love... To have my parents love and care for me, to be there for me. Yet, I got the short end of the fucking stick with that. My mother died in childbirth, therefore I didn't even know her and my sperm donner was only interested in having someone he could control to take over his fucking empire, that he loved so much.

Now to know that my child has been living eight fucking years without her father, without me... It makes me feel like I've subjected my child to my suffering...

If I had just tried to reach out to Indiana when I noticed her constantly trying to contact me. If I had just kept proper tabs on her and not just taking the word of that fucker Lucas, whose goal was to fuck my girl. If once within those 8 years I had visited her or even watched her from afar, giving in to my inner stalker, maybe I would've known about my daughter, our child.

It is something I'm going to regret for the rest of my life. I should've told her about Charlie, I should've fought for us more or even tell her about my plan rather than leaving without a word.

I was young and stupid and I thought I was doing the right thing. Not only did I destroy myself and Indiana, but I also left my baby girl fatherless.

Slam!

Thudding catches my attention after the sound of a door slamming and it's like almost bulls stomping down the streets of Spain. The footsteps sound angry, fuming and raging mad.

Seconds later, the door to my room is opened slamming against the wall, the light from the hall flooding the darkroom. My eyes squint at the brightness before focusing on the woman before me.

I'm in for it now. I mentally sighed.

She's in a large t-shirt that falls mid-thigh and peaking from beneath said shirt, shorts. Pink fuzzy slippers clad her feet, her hair is in every which direction and as I gaze at her face I gulp.