The Abnormality Of The Normality

'Just ask her'

­­­­I head down the spiral staircase where I find the lady waiting at the bottom. "Right Mi... Alex" She corrects herself, "Where would you like to start the tour?" I look at her through my hair and reply with a simple shrug of my shoulders. I don't know why she is being so kind to me. Throughout the morning, the maid, who I learn the name is Mary-Anne, gives me a tour of the mansion. It's even bigger than I had originally thought. There must be at least 20 different rooms in this house. Every so often I see pictures of a young woman. Mary-Anne sees me looking at one of these pictures with a slightly puzzled look. "You'd be best to speak with Miss Hayley about her, it's not my place to tell you about it" she speaks with sorrow clear in her voice. "Is it Hayley's mother?" I ask as my curiosity takes over, "She never talks about her when she's with me." Mary-Anne walks closer to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Don't take it to heart sweetheart, There's a story behind it all. Miss Hayley is like a different person now so maybe she'll tell you. It's not my place to tell you. Just ask her." I nod in response and we continue the tour through to a small corridor.

There are only two doors here. I open the first and my jaw drops. Inside looked almost identical to my studio at mine and Jacks place. Jack. My wounds hurt thinking about him. Was he okay? Was he still angry? Had I now put Hayley in danger? I step into the room and am surprised to see my art supplies packed away neatly on a shelving unit. Mary-Anne follows me into the room, a smile plastered on her face. "Is it satisfactory Alex?" she asks as I walk over to the window, inspecting the view. We were on the second floor at the rear of the house. I am shocked to see fields going for miles. I can see mountains in the distance, why Hayley would ever want to leave such a place shocked me. "It's beautiful!" I exclaim as I attempt to take everything in. "I have to go make lunch for the master now, he can get quite agitated when hungry, feel free to explore some more." Mary-Anne dismisses herself from the room.

I set my easel up and place a fresh portrait canvas on it so my back is to the door. Instead of painting straight away, I use a 4H pencil to lightly outline the figure in my painting. I knew exactly what I was attempting to do and its not long before I am mixing paints and adding to the picture. I get so engrossed in painting that I don't realise the presence of Hayley behind me, leaning against the doorframe.

As I apply the last flick of paint to the hair, She coughs making her presence known. I jump and throw the paint pallet down my front. Luckily it all missed the painting. Hayley rushes over apologetically, picking my paintbrush and pallet up off the floor. As she stands back up she glances at the painting. Her jaw literally drops as she takes a step backwards. "Al... that's.... amazing..." She claims. The painting showed the first memory I had of that day. Hayley laying looking down whilst I laid in her arms. Both characters were looking into each other's eyes. I study her as she takes the image in. "I just wanted to say thank you for everything you've done over the last few days. I didn't want you to forget any of it," I explain, "Sorry if it's too much".

Hayley takes the equipment off of me and places it down before turning towards me. When did she begin to cry? Tears were rolling down her face. She closes the gap between us with a tight hug. She hides her face into the crease of my neck as she lets the tears out. After a short while her sobs soften and after a little longer she is silent. I start to wonder if she had fallen asleep until she eventually leans back slightly looking at me with tear stained cheeks. "I'm really sorry if you don't like..." I am caught off guard as Hayley closes the gap between completely with a kiss. It was a kiss full of passion and longing. I kiss her back as the whole world around us comes to a standstill. Nothing else matters in this moment. As soon as it has begun, she pulls away so we can both catch our breaths. Hayley's cheeks have become slightly flushed but the smile now formed on her face quickly disintegrates as she processes what has just happened. "Al... Sorry... I shouldn't have done that..." she panics, "I have to go..." She states hurrying out before I have a chance to say anything on the matter.

I am left stood in the studio, emotions all over the place. What just happened? I'm in shock. Why had Hayley kissed her? What did it mean? I have so many questions so I try to make my way back to the bedroom however I find myself getting lost. I hear yelling down a corridor so I follow the sound, perhaps they could direct me to the right place. I end up standing outside a large oak office door. Hayley must be in the room with her father by the sounds of it. What I hear shocks me.

Mr Johnson: Why would you do such a stupid thing?

Hayley: I wasn't thinking

Mr Johnson: You never think, you just do.

Hayley: But... But... You don't understand.

Mr Johnson: And why wouldn't I? I understand that you are a privileged young brat who doesn't ever take any ownership for your own actions.
Hayley (Quietly) But I love her...

Mr Johnson: love? She's a she. You don't know the meaning of such a word. You can't love a girl. Thank god your mother isn't around to see how much of a disappointment you have become.

Hayley: If mum was here, she would tell me to go for it. She would tell me to do what made me happy.

Mr Johnson: For Christ's sake child. You were seven when she passed. You have no right to say what she would've said.

Hayley: She would have at least tried to understand.

Mr Johnson: Nonsense. She would be as much ashamed of you as I am. You have dishonoured her and disgraced the family name.

A large slap echoes through the corridor and I have just enough time to duck into a side room as I see the door handle adjusting, followed by Hayley running out and disappearing down the corridor.
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WARNING THIS NEXT PARAGRAPH SHOWS SELF HARM. IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS SORT OF CONTENT PLEASE SKIP THE BOLD PRINT

I follow Hayley as she leads me to the spiral staircase. As I stand at the bottom, my heart breaks as I listen to Hayley breakdown upstairs. I walk up and look at the sight in front of me.  Hayley is sat on the edge of the bed. She has made her left side visible. Deep scars covered her abdomen. Some old, some more fresh. She doesn't notice me through all of the tears flooding her face. I know she has no knowledge of me standing there. I know from experience. That's when I see the glint of the fresh blood on the blade she clutches in her right hand. I watch in horror as the fresh blood begins to drip down her side from the newest cut of all. Just as she goes to slice her stomach a second time, i find my voice.
"Hayley stop!" My voice slices through the air startling us both. Whilst she sits in shock I manage to find my feet. I run up to her, forcing the blade out of her hand as she attempts to fight me off by pushing against my chest.
End of self harm scene...
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I stagger backwards hitting the bookshelf, collapsing to the floor. I find myself being transported back to my own bedroom with Jack. As I shrink I cover my face from the world, all I can hear is Jack screaming things at me. "You're useless!", "You're worthless!", "It's your fault!" "Don't lie to me!". These words go around and round in my head. I rock myself as I continuingly apologise "I'm sorry... I'm sorry.... Please don't hurt me" I fight the pair of arms as they wrap around me. My mind is telling me it is Jack, but the intoxicating smell of lavender confuses me. The strong, rough arms of my husband have become soft and elegant. I look up to see lilac walls instead of magnolia. A single bed instead of a double. Instead of trying to hit me the arms are instead trying to hold me. As I slowly process that Jack wasn't there, I allow Hayley to hold me. She holds me close, apologising repeatedly, "Al, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to... I'm so sorry Al." We both cry into each other's arms until neither of us can cry anymore.

We spend at least twenty minutes laying in this position, neither of us saying a word. It's silent but not the painful coldsilence I was used to with Jack. Instead, it was a calm and peaceful silence.With Hayley holding me close I find myself going into a trance, listening asher heart beats against her chest. I find my mind travelling to earlier. Ithink about the kiss and wonder what it meant. Did it feel the same way for Hayley as it did for me? Why did she rush off the way she did and why did she feel the need to protect me? I'm brought back to reality as I hear Hayley's breathing deepen. Slowly as more and more minutes pass, I let my own sleep consume me and I am dragged into a deep sleep.