Passion.

Chapter Twenty Seven

David
I miss her. A hell of a lot more than I expected. I figured eventually, after a numerous amount of efforts, I would get over our break up and she'd come back to me. But she hasn't. She hasn't called, hasn't come over, she hasn't even texted. I'm pathetic for even considering wanting to just text her a simple heart emoji. I miss her heavenly shaped hips on mine and the way our eyes connect through our lust. I miss holding her and kissing her, and every physical thing that binds our soul together. Even more, I miss her laugh and how it echoes through the room. I'm desperate and eager to talk to her. But I do partially think this time away from Roan and I can be good for her. Maybe she does need a break from the madness. She did explain to me that she needed to go searching for some independence that she was craving from herself. I'm proud of my girl. But I'm also deeply saddened that she felt as though she couldn't rely on me. Or Roan. Yet, I've become subjected to a certain thought that has built up over the many days without Claire. If it came down to it, who would she choose be with? Is she more committed to Roan, or me? I've never had a problem with our arrangement before, since she has always split her time equally between us, always devoting herself to us both. However, one day that conversation will arise. By the looks of how things are going, it may just end badly. But that's not something I want to lay pressure on. When it's our time, the topic will be brought up. Reggie has been a prick the last few days, and I somewhat envy him. She should've called me. I would've even accepted her calling Roan over Reggie. What she promised to do is what she's doing though, taking some time to herself. My one fear, however, is that she won't come back. I can't risk taking that chance. The chance that I may never get to see her again. So I decide on it, I shoot her a text. A simple: I miss you.
I find myself waiting like a teenage boy to get a text back. A few moments later, something does pop up.
Her: I miss you too. But it's not the right time. One day, it will be.
I'm mad. I'm mad at myself for letting her see what she did. I'm mad at Roan for insisting she was good for the job in the first place. I do want to talk to her further, that's one thing I'm certain about.
Me: I hope you'll come back. How are you?"
I impatiently wait some more, and when I see she's typing I become anxious. But that's the problem. Three little dots in a bubble keep popping up, and after a few minutes, nothing.
She's not going to respond.
I haven't been active lately. Usually, I'd go to the gym. Or at least go downstairs and put on my boxing gloves. But I don't want to do either. I just want her. Now I'm questioning if she really doesn't plan on coming back. What if this wasn't her temporary goodbye like I had assumed, but this is permanent. All I picture is her, with someone else. I was her first,  and even if she does have Roan, I will always keep that stored deep down into my heart. I gave her and took away something from her, that I hope she will always appreciate. Even if this isn't forever. Even if that day she stormed in here angry, was the last time I would ever give her pleasure again. It's been a long fucking day. With to many thoughts to comprehend. To many emotions, that as a man, I've been quite ashamed and confused to feel. I've never been in love with another woman. Every girl I've ever fucked, has just been another piece of ass. Something to enjoy. Some fresh, and new thing to experience. But Claire, she was different the moment I met her in that green house. She is beautiful. She was shy, and now learning she really isn't, makes things that much better. She's not perfect, but she doesn't pretend to be. I've never wanted perfect. I've always wanted honest, and that's what she's given me. Hearing she murdered four men pretty much entirely on her own, was shocking. I never saw evil in Claire like I've seen in other Mafia Women. There's few mafia women in this business, and not one has a woman-filled crew. Roan has dialed down his extremities, and even his hardness. I have too. For Claire, we've both softened up, attempting to not show just how dangerously sinister this could be. But we failed. The moment she walked in and saw dead bodies all over the floor, with her man covered in blood. The moment she pulled that trigger, she lost some of her innocence. Innocence is a pure and good thing, that doesn't easily come back. I think Claire doesn't realize how far she has dug a whole down for herself. I don't expect her to know that she killed four of the most powerful and twisted mobsters in the world. But I am afraid for her. Someone else is going to knock on her door, and hearing she paid a visit to Sal's, isn't a good thing. It was brave of her to defend herself, and an indeed smart thing to do. But she didn't know then that by killing them, she's just now on the top of their list of people they want dead. One thing is for certain, whether she comes back to this house or not, I am going to protect her. She's not dying on my watch. Alex Robert crashes through my bedroom door and I rise out of bed, puzzled. He's my best buddy, but I'm confused as to why he's being loud and intrusive. "Come on. Get up, up up up. We're going out tonight." No. Nope. Not going out with fucking Alex Robert. All girls drool over him, and practically every twenty year old man wants to be him. But not me. I have no desire to live that life anymore. "Stop being so pathetic, and get up. You're getting laid tonight." "No. I have a girl. I don't plan on ever fucking anyone but her." The truth comes out. "Well, I don't see her around. So come on. If you don't get up, I'll have Reggie join me in my annoying."  He won't quit until I say yes.
"Fine. But I have no desire to fuck anyone else."