Passion.

Chapter Forty

"Tomorrow? I can't choose between either one of you ever, let alone tomorrow!" I say, angrily. "You have to. Claire, the choice isn't optional anymore." He responds. "Why? Why are you doing this to me?" I cry. "We're not trying to hurt you. It's for the best. This isn't a fucking movie Claire you can't have the best of both worlds! It's me or him. We'll discuss the details tomorrow," and just like that, he leaves. He leaves the way he left me the first time we ever had sex. He leaves me with heart break. I don't want to choose. This decision has terrified me, but I haven't taken it very seriously until this very moment. As I lie here naked, I imagine a future with David. A wedding, children, a big house in Italy. But then reality hits. While I'm with David, Roan will be out of my life completely. He'll find someone else to spend life with, or even worse, he'll be alone. Then I picture my life with just Roan. The wedding, children, a big house in Italy. Reality hits again when I think the same about David. It's physically and emotionally impossible for me to choose. I love each of them separately, yet wholeheartedly. I met David in the greenhouse eight months ago, and it was one of the best moments of my life. I met Roan right after, and while it took some time to discover who he truly was, that was one of the best. Through the doubt, the pain, the tears, the happiness, the affection, the lust, I never chose one over the other. This isn't a game. Roan is right, this isn't a movie. But, I expected much more out of this. I didn't expect to fall in love when I took that deal, I expected a sexual awakening within my femininity and nothing more. I didn't expect to be in love with Roan's smile, or David's laugh. I never could've imagined I'd be so fascinated with David's sense of humor, and Roan's intelligent mind. Roan told me he has never had something more than sex. David told me he had been hurt before. They both fell in love with me. I fell in love with both of them. I'm having a constant inner battle with my every thought. I need to get out of here. I get out of bed and realize I have no clothes. I call Demetria. "Can you come by The Smith's house and drop off some clothes for me?" I ask. "Yeah! Using your men for a one night stand?" She smirks. I don't know how I hear her smile over the phone, I just do. "Yeah sure whatever. Now please, bring me some underwear." I laugh. "Okay sis." She hangs up. The bond we've formed is incredible, and I could not be more grateful for the things we've supported each other through. Once she arrives, I walk outside wrapped in a blanket and thank her. I sneak into the bathroom and get changed. I don't know where Roan is, and I don't want to see him. Just as I walk out of the bathroom, David walks through the front door. "Hey baby." He smiles. It's a smile I can't turn away. I go over and hug him. "I don't want to choose between you. David please." I beg. "You have to beautiful. You just have to." "I don't have to do anything!" I race out of the house and get into my car. I drive to Aunt Ava's house. It's the only place I have to go, and I do owe her an apology for what I did. Busting in her car windshield with a gun wasn't what she signed up for. On the way there, I nearly crash into a parked car due to my anxiety. I'm having a panic attack that I can't control with my usual steps of breathing. When I do finally get there, I rush to her door and begin knocking on it. She opens it and looks upset. She has every right to be. "I'm sorry for what I did, I really am. I've just never been so mad. You lied to me and you were the one constant person I trusted my entire life." I cry. She opens her arms. For once, someone is comforting me. I melt into her hug and she closes the door. "It's okay. I forgive you. Sit down." I sit near the coffee table and she pours me a cup of black coffee. "Now I might have to take you up on the cost of fixing that thing, but besides that we're good." I laugh with her. "What is it that's wrong?" She asks. "It's David and Roan. I've dated both of them and now they're asking me to choose which one I want to spend forever with. But I don't want a forever with just one of them. I've lived in the temporary with both of them, and that has been so much better than what I could imagine with just one." "Honey, you don't have to choose." "What?" "You don't have to choose between them. It is perfectly fine to realize whom you're in love with, and whom you just want to stay friends with." "I don't think it's possible to just be friends with either of them." "Then break up with the both of them and move on." She says, sternly. It is clear on her face that shes fed up with my problem and my impossible decision. "Breaking up isn't an option. What we have, it's different. It's not easy, it's not always difficult, it's just different. I've devoted my heart, and my mind, to these men. Even with The Mafia, I have been able to handle the bad parts about myself well because I am motivated. I'm motivated by two perfectly imperfect human beings. I want to do better, and be a better woman. But at the same time, I know I'm enough. For the first time in my twenty four years, I am confident about the person I am and about the way I look. I will never have that with any one else. So I can't choose." She looks speechless. I give her one last hug and the information of my credit card, so she can pay for the damage I caused her car. I sit on the bare concrete outside and take a minute to think. If I choose, I'll be regretful for the rest of my life. If I don't choose, I don't get to have either of them in my life and I break both of there hearts. Can I find someone else? I'm twenty four years old. David is twenty five and Roan is forty two. Truly, I've never cared about the age difference between Roan and I. He looks as though he's thirty, with his fine black hair and sharp jawline. Our conversations are meaningful because of the mutual understanding of intelligence. David is just as intelligent, but his snarky humor is my favorite thing about him. I know what I have to do. But as every thing has gone in these past eight months, that peaceful thought is disrupted. I take out my phone and answer the call from David. "Get your best dress on. Meet me and Roan at Mystic Rivers Restaurant." He says, and hangs up. That very sudden phone call leaves me wondering what their intentions are. I march back into Ava's house and she asks what's wrong. "Actually, nothing. I need a very pretty dress and something to make me look presentable, though." "I have the perfect thing." I follow her upstairs and she hands me a white dress with multi color flowers printed on. "Wow. This is lovely." "I have matching pink heels to go with. What is your size?" "I'm a seven." I say. She opens up her walk in closet and I'm shocked. I've never seen this part of the house before and the amount of shoes this woman has fascinates me. She has almost every size in every shoe. She hands me them and walks out of the room, allowing me to get ready. I don't even know what I'm getting ready for, but I know looking better makes me feel better. I change quickly, eager to see what The Smith Men have planned. I walk downstairs and she looks stunned. "Wow. You look gorgeous sweetie." She smiles. "Thank you for everything. I'm glad I have you back in my life. I'm very grateful." I get back in my car and start the drive.
A few moments later...
I arrive and admire the beautiful scenery upon me. It is a big restaurant, with outdoor seating being the main focus. The lighting is very mellow, which supports the sensual mood it gives off. I park the car and walk over to the entrance. Surprisingly, Roan and David greet me. They both seem ecstatic, I just can't tell why. "We have something big planned." They say simultaneously, smiles spread across their face. "Okay that sounds amazing, what is it?" I ask, anxiously. "We can't tell you just yet. But, we're going to go for a helicopter ride and discuss some things, then sort it all out when we get back." David says. "Why can't I come?" I ask. "Because this topic is very sensitive. But I promise, we will tell you everything. I love you so fucking much." Roan says. We stand up from the table and I kiss him. I kiss and hug David as well. I'm genuinely so confused on what is about to happen.
Three Hours Later...
I've been sitting here for three hours waiting for them to come back. I don't know where they went, and I can't call them since there isn't any cell service in the air. "Would you like your check, ma'am?" The waiter asks for the second time. "Yes." Within the past three hours I've ordered two martinis and several appetizers. Food is my comfort. I have no idea where to go since I don't want to rely on Aunt Ava or Demetria again. Then it hits me. I've kept my apartment key in the back of my phone case since I got the apartment. While I don't know if it's been sold yet, I'm relying on this key.
The key works. Thank god.
I enter my old apartment and immediately call Reggie. I don't know why, but I do. "What's wrong, love?" He asks. "First of all, don't fucking call me that. And Roan and David were supposed to meet me somewhere after they went for a helicopter ride. I don't know Reggie, but I'm really scared. I feel like something happened and I just... I can't lose them."
"I'm sure they're fine. I'll take a look into it. Where are you?" "My old apartment." "I'll be there as soon as I can." We hang up and I wait. I wait and I wait and I wait. I'm over thinking every second of every minute of every hour. I don't know what's going on and I don't know if they're okay. I don't know if this is some joke or if they left me on purpose or if something happened to them. I'm stuck waiting with anticipation to know if my men are okay. What if something happened to them? I can't even bare that thought. I hear a knock on the door and open it. Reggie's face is torn apart. He looks like he's been crying for hours, and his eyes are closed. Why are his eyes closed? "What's wrong? Reggie, what happened?" But I know the answer to that when he looks me in the eyes. He's hysterical crying, and I want to hear him say it before I believe it. "They're gone Claire. It's not a joke. They're dead." "No!" I fall to the floor. I feel it. I feel their presence disappear from the earth. I feel their death. I'm dying. My heart shatters and falls to the floor with my body. I'm broken. Every part of me is shattered. My spirit is collapsing and my soul is broken. I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't speak. They're gone. They're gone they're gone they're gone they're gone. My heart is ripped out of my chest and my soul is no longer where it should be. It's real. This is real. This isn't a joke. Roan and David aren't going to appear and tell me everything is okay. The two people I love most in this world are gone. I didn't even say I love you. I didn't say goodbye. I didn't get the chance to tell them that they're the best decision I've ever made. I will never get to touch them again. I could never laugh with David or kiss Roan. I could never smell their cologne on the suits they wear ever again. This can't be happening. Please god no. If there is a god, please no. They died. "Did they feel it? Did they feel pain?" I ask. "They were in a helicopter crash, Claire. From what I was told, the helicopter lit on fire because it crashed into bushes." He barely makes it through that sentence. I scream. I scream in pain. I scream out of anger. I scream for their pain. The image of their dead burning bodies comes to mind and my chest becomes heavier. My men. Two incredible men. I vomit all over the floor. I throw up until I physically can't breathe. I throw up all of my happiness. Reggie lifts me off the floor and sits me down on the couch. "I'm so sorry." He says. "Dont." I say, quietly. I don't have words. I sit and sob. They were so excited about something. I was going to have a future with them. They were the best men I've ever come across. I can't comprehend it.
I'm broken, yet I continue to break. Every part of my being is gone, along with them. I want to die. I run into the kitchen and grab a knife, holding it to my chest. Reggie rushes in after me. "What are you doing? Claire, please!" He shouts. "I have nothing left Reggie. I have no one. I just want it to go away. I can't make it go away. It hurts so much." I shatter. "I know Claire. I know. But please, put the knife down. You have me and Ava and Demetria." "No. I don't have anyone if I don't have them. I don't have the people I love most in this world. You don't understand Reggie." "I do, Claire. I lost my wife." "You lost your wife?" I say. "Yes. And if you put the knife down I could tell you how I've healed, but please. Please don't do this." Just as I'm about to take my own life, I hear a knock on the door. I drop the knife and Reggie comes over. "Shh. It's okay. You're going to be okay." I know I'm not. But I don't dwell on his words. "Who is it?" Reggie asks. "I'm here to read Roan Smith's will." The man says through the door. "That was fast." Reggie says, opening the door. The man steps into the apartment, past the vomit, and sits next to me. I don't want anyone next to me, but I don't have the energy to tell him that. "You're Claire Stone?" "Yeah." I murmur. "Roan Smith stated very specifically that you get his mansion." "I don't want it." I say. "Okay. Well, he instructed that if anything were to happen to him, you get the Mansion and all of his money. Congratulations Ms.Stone." "Congratulations? Congratulations? Don't fucking tell me congratulations I just lost the two men I love! I don't want the fucking mansion, I don't want the fucking money, you could keep it!" I yell. "I understand. But he also wanted me to give you this." He takes out a piece of paper from his briefcase and hands it to me. "What is this?" I ask. "I don't know." The will-holder says.
"Claire Stone,
If you're reading this, that means David and I are dead. Which isn't the best thing. However, I have a very important duty to ask of you. Accept it and take it as it is. Only you are capable of the extraordinary. I love you- Roan Smith"
"He did mention that after you read that, I hand you this." The man says, handing me another piece of paper. The top of the paper is labeled "Mafia." It's a long note, that I don't have the energy to read. So, I skip to the bold printed letters. It states:
In the case that Roan and David Smith both die, the position Roan Smith carries will be passed down to Claire Stone.
Holy Shit. I'm The Mafia Boss.