Derailed

Chapter 15

I've collected my thoughts by the time Zane returns from his run, dripping sweat. I'm still slumped on the couch in my towel from showering, but I sit up on the edge of the couch when he walks in. He sighs and pushes his hair out of his face as he approaches me.

"I think you should leave." He says shortly. Even though I was nervous I expected him to come back with a clear mind and an understanding point of view. I was wrong.

"What?"

"We should take a break."

"Zane can we please talk about it first?" I plea.

"Maybe in a few days but right now I don't want anything to do with this. I was stupid to think a student was mature and ready for something serious." His words really hurt to hear. I know I'm ready for this, for him, I just made a mistake.

"So I'm just a student?"

"For now that's what I need." My chest tightens and I'm holding back the urge to cry. I just had the most intimate moment of my life with him last night and now he doesn't want to associate with me. Like it never happened. I feel like he just ripped my heart out of my chest and took one of the biggest moments of my life away from me too. I suppress my sadness until it becomes anger, turning away from him and walking around the couch to the bed where my clothes laid on the floor. I pull my panties on under the towel then throw the towel on the bed as hard as I can. I turn away from him while I dress so he can't see anything, though I'm pretty sure he stood in the same spot staring blankly the whole time anyway.

Without another word, I storm out of the apartment, slamming the door behind me. I get an Uber back to the dorm and run up the stairs to my room, slamming my door and throwing myself on the bed finally releasing my tears. I cry loudly for a couple minutes before Sasha makes her presence known.

"You okay girl?" She asks from her bed. I sit myself up and wipe the wetness from my cheeks. I don't necessarily want to let her into my vulnerable side but I'm also fuming with anger that I let myself ruin two relationships in one day. I let myself get hurt and as mad as I am at Zane right now, it's my fault at the end of the day.

"When's the next party?" I ask, wanting to numb all the pain and confusion at this point. A small smirk appears on her face, I'm sure this is music to her ears.

"Honey there is something every night of the week, say the word and we're there."

"Let's go." I reply and we spend the next couple hours getting ready together. For once I think we're actually bonding. I smudge some eyeliner across my lids and put on red lipstick to spice up my everyday, minimal makeup then curl my hair. I put on a pair of my skinny jeans but don't have any shirts that are party worthy. "Can I borrow a top?" I ask Sasha.

"Sure, just leave me the purple tube top." I look through her clothes and decide on a red cropped halter top that would normally be way out of my comfort zone. A sliver of skin shows between the bottom of the shirt and the top of my high waisted jeans and the top showcases more cleavage than anything I've worn before. "Ready?" She asks once sliding the tube top on.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I have so much negative energy surging through my body and a mission to get rid of it no matter how destructive it makes me. We walk to one of her friends houses off campus and there's a group of about twenty people gathered in the living room dancing to music and talking. It is much more low key than the first party I went to. I grab an unopened beer from the counter, I learned my lesson last time not to let anyone pour me a drink, and we meet up with chase and some of his friends. About three beers in I'm totally wasted and forgetting all my problems.

"Are you Olivia?" A tall guy with tattoos covering every inch of his arms, asks.

"That's me!" I'm happy for the first time today.

"Hey, I'm Matt. Sasha has told me about you and thought we'd hit it off so here I am." Not the most charming but I appreciate the effort. I'm in my zone right now and just want to dance so I pull him by the wrist closer to me and grind up against him. I'm too drunk to process what is really going on around me, all I know is that I finally numbed the pain. He grips my waist while we dance and I yell song lyrics to a Drake song. This is the party experience every freshman wants to have. Matt starts to get a little too handsy and I snap back into reality for a split second.

"I'm sorry." I abruptly say and run for the back door. The fresh air hits my body and within seconds I'm leaned over the rail puking. I don't know if it was too much alcohol or reality slapping me in the face but I get myself together and decide to walk home alone. I text Sasha to let her know where I am then fall asleep without a single thought of what happened today.