Forgiveness and Punishment

49

Karen moans as she wakes up. Then she wipes the tears away. Why, why did she wake up? Why won't they just let her die? She can never pay sufficiently for what she did, so why won't they just kill her already?

"You are finally awake, we were worried that you would not wake up soon and would have to hook you up to machinery." Karen tenses in fear, Travis. 

She slowly looks over at him and doesn't bother to hide her fear of him. "Are you here to kill me at last?"

Travis, like usual hides his feelings behind his mask of a face. "No, you aren't to be killed. If I had known that you had a death wish I wouldn't have attacked in the sparring match like I had. Melissa was less than pleased." Karen swallows hard. She's just made things worse for herself. She sighs and looks away from Travis.

"Things will get better, Karen. Melissa wanted me to tell you that you will be allowed to call her by name once she has deemed that you have paid enough." Travis tells her and she can hear the veiled disgust in his voice.

She sniffs, "Yeah right. There is no way I can pay that price, not unless you kill me. Even then it won't be enough." She feels the despair fall on her once more and she gives into it.

Travis feels it taking her over and starts swearing as she falls unconscious. As he expects Melissa comes in a short time later and demands to know what happened.

"She woke up and I told her what you told me to, that she would in time be allowed to call you by name. All she said was right, there is no way she could pay that price unless you kill her. Then the depression fell and she passed out once more."

Melissa looks at Karen thoughtfully once more. "Stay with her for now, I'm going to change her room. I'll let you know when to move her." Melissa orders and starts to leave when she hesitates and looks back to Travis. "Once you bring her to the new room you will be allowed to resume your normal duties. I'll have someone else stay with her. I won't force you to be around her, Travis, I want you to know that."

"I know, Melissa, and I thank you for that. You asked me to do something and I will do it, even though I find it difficult to accomplish." Travis says that last part with teeth clenched and hands fisted.

Melissa turns back to her lover, she holds him and gives him a kiss. "No, it's hurting you too badly, I don't want you hurting like this any more."

"Melissa, please, let me do this for you. It's good for me to help me with my control."

Melissa looks at him and smiles gently, but he sees the tears in her eyes. "No, my love, it isn't your control that needs help right now. Making you stay with her for the last day was a mistake, one I won't make again. I just need you to stay with her for a little bit longer and then you won't even be required to teach her classes. I'll have one of Timothy's children teach her."

"Melissa," Travis says heartbroken that he failed his love.

"No, Travis, I've caused you too much harm. You didn't fail me, I failed you this time. I hope in time you will forgive me for harming you like I have."

"There is nothing to forgive, Melissa, you didn't harm me. You have done nothing that I didn't want to do. I wanted her terrified of me, I wanted to teach her."

"You've wanted to hate her and continue to hate her. That is where I failed you. You have learned to like the dark side of the vampire and that's how I failed you. I don't want to lose you completely, Travis. I won't, not if I can help it." Then Melissa is unable to hold back her tears.

At her first sob Travis goes to her and takes her into his arms. "You didn't lose me, Melissa, you will never lose me."

Travis holds Melissa for some time. Neither of them notice that Karen had awakened and was watching them with a great deal of pain. She longs for the closeness they have and knows that even if she gains enough forgiveness to be allowed to call Melissa by her name that she will never have her love. From either of them or the others.

Just like the rest of her life. She's been the outsider looking in, never accepted by any one fully. She's so tired of being alone and unwanted. She truly wishes that she had died.

"No, you will live." Hearing Melissa's voice in her head isn't something new. It had terrified her the first time it had happened, but when she found out what Melissa can do she just accepted it.

"No matter how powerful you are, you can't force someone to live that doesn't want to." Karen thinks back. She's not sure that Melissa heard her, but she no longer cares. Melissa can read her thoughts when ever she wants and will learn the truth.

Melissa gives a significant look to Travis then leaves. Karen has no doubt that Melissa gave Travis orders in regards to her.

"If you kill me, then you can learn to lose the anger and the mistress will have you back." Karen tells Travis when he returns to his bedside seat.

Travis sneers at her. "That would be contrary to Melissa's desires. I won't hurt her that way, nor will I help you escape your punishment."

"You all can force me to eat, but you can't force me to want to live." For the first time ever Karen dares to sneer back at Travis.

In a flash Travis is at her side with her throat bared to his teeth. He just manages to hold himself back as he feels her satisfaction at his actions. He lets go of her head and returns to his seat. 

Karen refuses to look at him and just stares at the wall, much like Melissa had done years ago when she had been first changed. She will no longer participate in life. There is no point to it. She will never be forgiven, she will never be accepted. She's tired, so incredibly tired of fighting for something that will never happen. She just wants it all to end.